Jane Eyre

As I sit here...it's late obviously. Rachel and I are staying the night at the Potters because she is looking after their dog (animals?) while they're gone for a few days. They have wifi so I can stay up and blog or do whatever I please...we're currently watching the new Jane Eyre...I am conscious of the fact of how much movies play with your mind.

Truthfully this movie really sucks. Comparing it to BBC...well...who dares compete with BBC? I mean...why did they even consider making another one after BBC made it. There is no reason, really. The people are really ugly, but that's not all. They attempted to make the movie shorter so they are just rushing right through...skipping over details and making everything just fly. This couple feels like they practically just met and now they are engaged...then almost married a second later...and now broken up just a minute later. It's over and gone and past. They didn't even know each other! In the other movie they knew like all about each other. This one is all about mad passion and emotion as opposed to more reason and logic and common sense.

I'm sitting here just shaking my head at them...it's an awful movie! Okay, I take that back...this is an awful *version* of this movie. And yet, I do have to see it through to the end...it's inevitable. I have to or else there will be no end of torment at my head as to if it ended even semi-okay. They didn't even follow the book in hardly anything other then the main character is very very plain. I've never given a live commentary on a movie before...and I do apologize if I'm just ranting. I suppose with no one online at this hour I feel a bit lonely. Everyone is in bed now or not online.

Today went well...I had work first thing in the morning and I was able to feel productive. Once I got home I did some work online and then mowed. Aimee came over and we got to hang out for a bit...she took a test and I studied and began to memorize Ephesians. Then she brought me over here to the Potter's house. Tomorrow I have lunch with my grandma and also a good deal of bridal shower planning before work tomorrow night and L'Abri and then I believe Philip is spending the weekend over and other such work plans like that. Should be fun!

I hope to finish up this movie...rant more about it...and then get some sleep or just chill. Hoping you are all sleeping very well and ignore this movie commentary of mine. Just DON'T WATCH IT. Get the BBC version for your own sake!!

Benefits of Homeschooling

To begin with, yes, I am biased. I'll start off by saying that to make my point very clear. I am biased and I wouldn't have it any other way. For my whole school life I have been homeschooled by my mother. Homeschooling is exactly what I would promote. No argument can be validly held against homeschooling in order to promote either public or private schools. If you can think of one, please comment and I'll do my best to see the possibility of it. 

Homeschooling is just better. What is the sense behind sticking a bunch of kids the same age who are bound to cause trouble or find ways to misbehave in the same room and assume that they're actually going to learn something? Also, it is a good case of "No Child Left Behind". The material is so dumbed down so as to accommodate the slowest of the class, that the student with the best potential and the ability to be the smartest isn't allowed to be because they are essentially being held back to stay at the same level as the rest of the classroom. 

It has been proven in test studies that homeschoolers perform better on tests such as the ACT and SAT...even though public schoolers are the ones who regularly have timed tests and are required (I believe) to take the ACT even starting at 9th grade and younger. I'm not saying that the dumbest homeschooler tests better then the smartest public schooler. I'm not saying that public schoolers are dumb. I'm just saying that it has been proven that homeschoolers *on average* are more intelligent when it comes to tests like the ACT and such. We score better *on average*. 

Our parents (primarily mothers) oversee our work. They are intimately involved in our work and know how to work with us individually and specifically to meet our particular needs. My schooling needs are different then my brother's or my sister's. My mother is able to see that and discern how to teach me. This way I am most comfortable with how I am being taught and I can learn easier...instead of a teacher who has 20 students in a classroom and cannot spend one-on-one time with me to find out where my strengths and weaknesses are. 

Also, while we are studying at home we are not daily exposed to temptations such as drugs, alcohol, bullying and sex and other such crap that is defined as normal at the schools. And if they are then there is a lack of diligence on the parents' part over watching their children and monitoring what they see/are exposed to. We aren't daily surrounded by constant peer pressure and pushed into doing things we wouldn't normally do. 

Those are the more practical aspects of homeschooling...now as a child I'm here to tell you the other reasons why you should homeschool! These would probably appeal more to the kids themselves. You get to sleep in...you don't need to get up at absurd hours and get your lunch and finish homework last minute. We usually get to sleep in however late we want but we do start school around 10. Now, if I actually do get up and do my school early I can be all done as late as 11am. For those of you who are public schooled you may now pick your jaw up off the floor. Yes, I'm done at that time and *completely free to do whatever I want.* 

Also, yes, I can do my school in my pj's and I normally do...well not even always pj's, but sweatpants and a t-shirt...whatever I want! You can be totally relaxed. You can do school wherever you want! You can do it in the car or on your dining room table or *on your bed*. There is no sitting at desks for hours on end. That's just stupid and so uncomfortable...I don't even know how that's comfortable for your backs, geesh. 

Friends, you say? Ah yes...well see they're homeschooled too...so they get done early too....so we can hang out. Sometimes you can have a friend over as early as 1 or 2pm...a couple hours before you get OUT of school. Sad huh? Where do I get my friends? Well let's see...my church has a good group of homeschoolers. And then there's my orchestra group...the big music group itself has a couple hundred (at least? when did I stop counting?) that attend...so yes, I get plenty of friends there. We also have co-ops where if our moms don't know exactly how to teach or they want us a little more exposed to a classroom setting or they want a break from one of our classes they ship us there so another homeschool mom can teach us and we get to see tons of our friends there as well. Oh, and don't forget our performing arts group...last year our cast had to be cut down to fit a cast of 90 because you can't really fit more then that on the huge stage that we use to perform our stuff on. So yes....yes I get plenty of interaction and plenty of like-minded people with whom I can regularly (at least 3 times a week) socialize with (not counting hanging out or extra stuff that comes up). 

Another good thing about homeschooling...we can pretty much stay up as late as we want at night (obviously cuz we can sleep in the next day). This means we can go out and have fun doing stuff...like parties (chaperoned of course) and bowling and youth group stuff and so much more. Oh, and we have plenty of time to do fun stuff during the afternoon and evening too like watch movies and shopping...cuz we don't have any homework. Yup, no homework whatsoever...because...we're kind of already at home? The only homework you *might* get is if you had co-ops or something. 

Another perk about homeschooled? No timed tests! I mentioned something about this earlier...but yes, I don't really get tests all that often...and when I do they *certainly* aren't pop quizzes or timed at all. We just have it better, guys. There is no sitting in a classroom all day long going from one period to the next. We can eat whatever we want in the house at whatever time...there is no set time for our lunch which we have to eat in the cafeteria. 

For parents with younger children: you don't have to let them go after all! You don't ever have to worry about what they're being taught or who they hang out with at (or after) school. You don't have to worry about them being bullied. You don't have to wonder why you're being called up to the principle's office. Your child is right there with you under your careful and attentive watch and you have an involved part of their education. You know exactly how intelligent your child is...no need to look at their report card for it.

In addition to all of these wonderful things, parents you are saving money. I'm not sure how it all works out in taxes, but I do know my parents *don't* have to pay outrageous money just to have teachers barely teach us anything while we goof off in class. They pay for our textbooks...that's it. Now, my whole homeschooling experience may be a bit different from homeschoolers...each family does it differently and with different rules. But on the whole, that is the general idea. If I got anything wrong, homeschoolers please correct me. If you can provide what you think is a valid argument for why public/private/"Christian" schools are better, please comment! 

Those are the reasons why homeschooling is simply the way to go, why I'm grateful to my parents for homeschooling me, and why YOU should all homeschool your children! Hope you enjoyed this and you will pass it on to your friends and family who may be considering putting their children in the government-run schools! Oh that's another thing! The government dictates what the kids are taught...so they are being molded and shaped into the mindset that the government wants them to take. Socialism at its best. Christian teachers are rarely allowed to teach, and if they are they can't say a single word about their faith or else they are kicked out before they can apologize for it.

Anyways! Hope you enjoyed reading...have a super day!

A Sprinkle of Gratitude

So I got to thinking about it...and really what a part of my post yesterday (dealing with the imperfect things) has to do with is a little bit of honest gratitude. And it's hard for all of us to be grateful at one time or another, but sometimes you really need to give it a push and then you see how many things you truly are grateful for...but you never get around to thinking about it. It's like that quote that I said in a post a little while back:  "What if we woke up tomorrow with everything we thanked God for yesterday". I don't think I would have much at all, if anything. That's just downright wrong!

So right now I'm going to make a list of 50 things that I am currently very thankful for...some of them are common and obvious...but I don't usually like getting to the Thanksgiving table and saying I'm just grateful for a house over my head and my family and my work and stuff...I like to be creative and dig deeper. I'd encourage you also to make some kind of a list...maybe a journal. Just jot down things everyday...who cares if there are repeats? It's a great start to remember to be thankful and grateful for everything that we've been blessed with, and we have been blessed.

Today, I'm grateful for:
1) God and His love, mercy, and law
2) cute teapots
3) my mother
4) water
5) big hoodies
6) fog
7) pretty soap
8) anything that is pink or purple
9) LISTS
10) friends who bring sugar over to make you ungrumpy
11) internet
12) Bible verses that apply to current situations
13) money
14) the ability to earn money
15) feeling my heartbeat
16) weddings
17) music
18) headphones
19) really good books
20) strawberry lemonade
21) glorious heat
22) true peace
23) recovering piano music
24) finding lost keys
25) knowing I am saved and forgiven
26) pretty paper and pens to write with
27) burning hot showers
28) food you can eat anytime
29) coffee
30) meeting new people
31) the future
32) late night parties
33) finding new music artists that I like
34) spiders to kill flies
35) cats to kill spiders
36) my teachers
37) my health
38) flowers given as a surprise gift
39) jewelry
40) Chinese food
41) kids who say they love you
42) sunshine
43) fuzzy blankets
44) inside jokes
45) whipped cream
46) candles
47) any kind of cheese
48) having an intelligent mind by which to think clearly
49) my church (family)
50) lovely, quiet mornings

There you go! Just a few ideas to get you started. Once you get on a roll there is no stopping you! It really does clear up your day and your heart and kind of give you this weightlessness. I feel like I could go conquer the world right about now :) So make your own list...you have the time and there's no reason not to! Show people...encourage them to do it...spread it on and remind people that there are SO many things to be thankful for if we only stopped to notice them! We tend to spend our days whining and griping but never focus on the many many...MANY things that we truly do love. Have a beautiful and blessed day!

Random Life and Dealing With Imperfect Things

Last night after work my mum and I stopped by to get 1/4 of a butchered cow that we bought and while we were there I saw this absolutely beautiful dog. If I ever get a dog in my lifetime it will be like that one: a Rottweiler and a Mastiff mix. Let me tell you, it was the prettiest and best dog I've seen in my life. Never seen another dog so beautiful and sweet and docile. Then this morning I had a dentist appointment and ever since I got home I've done nothing but wedding plans with Rakie. Wow...who knew so much went into one single day. You really have no idea how huge a wedding is till you are literally one step away from being the bride. This thing is just nuts! We focused mainly on groomsmen/bridesmaids stuff and a little bit of bridal shower planning along with music planning. It has been hectic...now she is stuck with a headache and me with this "take charge" attitude. I really like wedding planning...maybe it's a good career opportunity! LOL. I could spend other people's money to create beautiful weddings. Sounds perfect.

Anyways...I still haven't quite decided what to do my serious part about...trying to think of something applicable. Ok, I have something. Last night, I "stumbled" across a "revelation". Here it goes: we are never satisfied with anything. I know, it's crazy because everyone always knows that. But really...I don't mean to pick on her, I'm just using her as example while understanding that everyone is imperfect and even I do this kind of thing...but last night my little sister was having this huge meltdown because her mp3 player is breaking down. We all gave it to her last year for her birthday (about a year ago). At the time she had been overjoyed and so grateful for it, but now that it broke all she can say is how she never wanted an mp3 player and how unreliable and breakable they are. I was just stunned by how fast her attitude went down the drain the moment things went wrong.

But how true this is of any person alive. We get something and it's great...but the moment we lose interest or it breaks or becomes any less then picture perfect, how fast do we throw it away? I've seen this down not only in physical things but in relationships. Friends of mine get together and the moments it goes sour...the moment the "honeymoon" is over and reality sets in...when they realize the person that they thought they knew so well has some flaws that they had missed in the first round...when they realize it's not all fun and games and there actually is work involved...then they call it off. This isn't even in teenagers, but you just look around and actually listen to the divorce rates of today and it's so sad. God gives us things...and we look at it as a blessing...but the moment that we see some crack or flaw in it...it needs to be thrown out. We can't stand for anything less than 100% perfect. We can't get out the old glue gun and paste it back together. Sure, it won't sparkle like the first time we brought it home from the store, but it is that same old thing that we have memories with and it still works. Maybe you need to work with it a little bit...maybe work a little harder than before...but who ever said work was a bad thing? Last I checked it was a great thing and it produced productivity and earned you a lot of respect and a good name as well as it showed glory to God. If you show yourself to be a quitter in anything (life, love, work) how is that at all an honor to God's name? If His people is made up of people who can't see a thing through to the end what does that say about Him?

This isn't at all any of His fault. He deals out exactly what is just and fair. It is we who have failed Him by giving up on the blessings He has given us. We want it to work just like it did when we bought it...we want it to sparkle, shine, play, move, breath and whatever else this material or immaterial thing that we're talking about does...we want it just exactly brand new. That's just not possible. Things grow old...doesn't mean they always break...but they become less than perfect in time. That is no cause or reason to throw it away. It just requires some hard work and a lot of dedication to see it through to the end. A quitter doesn't win anything but a bad reputation for being a failure. A quitter doesn't receive any reward. I recently watched a movie where the father in it said something to his future son-in-law. It was this: "If you take good care of something, it will last you forever". Now he was talking about shoes, but he was hypothetically talking about marriage to his daughter too. If we treat things carefully and like treasure, yes, it will truly be treasure to us for our whole lives.

So whatever you're blessed with....even if it is an mp3 player...or a marriage or a job or anything...treat it like treasure, never quit on it, work hard to keep it even if it's less than perfect, and remember that it was given to you that you may grow from it, learn from it, and not give up on it. It was given as a blessing...accept it as a blessing...and always always remember it is a blessing even if it becomes less 100% perfect.

Here is wishing you all the loveliest of evenings!

Of Spiders and Being Hurt/Open

Okay, I absolutely have to relate this freaky spider story to you...just because it's so frightening to me and everyone deserves a good chilling spider story every once in a while! So I'm laying in bed the other night and I was getting ready to sleep, but I was still awake with my computer on my lap and the lights out. I had my blankets pulled up the top of my computer screen and the screen light was the only light around me. I was just minding my own business when suddenly...all I could focus on was this dark image coming down over my computer screen...it..was...a...spider! Geesh. Freaked me out, I tell ya. It wouldn't have been so bad if the light was on...but because it just quietly slipped down onto my computer screen it was so freaky. Anyways...I didn't sleep for quite a while.

Also, as a quick side note...I'd like to thank all of you who faithfully or even randomly read my blog. I am happy to say that two months ago the views of my blog were a grand total of 67...however I bumped it up quite a notch these past two months and this month I am so proud and happy to say that I have never in the history of my blog gotten more blog views then this month. Currently I'm at 369 and it's not even the end of August yet! So thank you, thank you all! It is really truly encouraging to see my viewings go up and to know that something I'm saying is getting out there to someone in this big world! It's also encouraging to see how even people in different countries are visiting and reading stuff I'm posting!

Okay, onto the deeper subject of today. I am going to try and have something light and fluffy to start out my posts so I don't always appear quite so dark and sinister and serious all the time. The point of this blog is to edify and grow...that isn't always achieved by always being serious and dead focused. Sometimes you just have to loosen up and have a little fun...not always be deep and theological. Okay! Moving on...I'm going to try not to ramble so much in this post.

I have recently re-connected with a friend who I've known for a couple years now but we had a falling apart. Not like a disagreement or anything, but just a breaking apart where we didn't have much contact or anything for quite a few months. But anyways, we've connected and started talking again. It has reminded me how stuff online really doesn't convey emotion or how we mean to say stuff. He says stuff and it sounds like he's completely bored with me or the conversation, but he says he's not. I've also had this experience with Aimee...she doesn't use emoticons and so when she says stuff without a smiley face it makes me thing she is angry or upset with me...when I tell her that she just laughs at me! I've grown accustomed to people adding stuff like that to lighten up the texting mood.

So anyways, this friend and I got to talking about people in our lives who are there for us...like maybe that one person who we tell pretty much everything to. I said that everyone deserves to have at *least* person there for them...one person who they trust with their life...trust with every fiber of their being...trust with their darkest secrets...a person who knows them better than they know themselves. And he said he has no one like that...no one in his whole life. It just stunned me, but it reminded me of how closed up some people can get. I just finished a book (fiction) that had in it a dad who was trying to protect his daughter by doing everything for her. Ordering her life to be perfect because she could mess something up. I also just watched a movie where the mother was doing everything in her power, including bold-facedly lie to her daughter's face, just to keep her with her because if the daughter left then she could be hurt by the world and what life has to offer.

But that is just life. We want an easy life...a life with no pain or hurt. But that is really the true meaning of life...it's being hurt and finding out how to deal with that hurt. Who we are is decided by how we cope with pain. Pain and hurt is what really shapes and molds us...do we get up off the ground when we've been kicked down? Or do we lay there moaning and bewailing our great misfortune? Do we determine to try better next time and to be mature about it? Or do we blind ourselves and refuse to see the lesson that should be learned from that situation? Life isn't easy at all...it's hard and only the best can get to the end and say that they really lived.

Some people would define really living as doing stuff the "right way"...like having fun or traveling or always living in the moment...things like that. But I would say that living life the right way is learning to deal with the pain, letting it shape you into a more mature and grown person, and moving on to the next hurt. Now a lot of people would say that's a negative way to look at life. But that's a negative as saying that life is a game of people coming and going throughout our lives. Not many people stick around. Just think about it...you are born and you grow up...you have friends. Friends come and go pretty easily these days. One little tiff and they're gone faster then you can blink. People get married...people go to college. I've lost a handful of friends already to college...we have just lost contact because they got busy with college. I've known a couple people to get married...I don't really see them or talk to them because they're busy now too. My own sister has become a great deal like that...I have to officially let her go this November. After stuff like that it's just a matter of time...people have kids...kids grow up and leave. People die. People move. All sorts of stuff happen...but what I've told myself to ease the pain of people leaving is just that this is the truth: every person you meet will 97% not last till the end of your life. Not many people you know now will be there when you die. Not many people will keep in contact...not many people will have time. It is rare that you know someone from birth to death...or from teenage years till death. Just...accept the fact that people are going to come and go easily.

Now, is this a negative view? I would say no. It's just the honest truth with no flowery fluff to make it seem happy or cheery. It doesn't have to be gloomy or sad...because even if you lose people dear to you, there will always be someone else out there who can fill that space and be another person like that. Maybe not the exact same...but just as one person leaves another can come. So back to my first "negative" point. God places life lessons (or hurts) constantly in our path so that we have to face them head on. There is rarely a break from them. Once you've mastered one and picked yourself up and dusted yourself off and plastered a smile on there is another challenge...a harder one ahead. It's just life! And it's ok too. You're going to have a lot of moments of pain in your life...but you're gonna really grow from them. You're going to be molded and shaped...the harder the challenge, the better the reward. God never fails...He always rewards. And the greatest reward is yet to come.

So back to my very first original point of being open. Yes, you're going to be hurt. People aren't always nice (wow, pretty eye opening there, right? lol). Some people will hurt you....some people will break your trust. But just because it happens doesn't mean you can't pick yourself up again and not find someone else. Now, at this point you might call me insensitive...because a lot of people out there really have been badly burned and don't need to hear that kind of crap. But I'm just telling it like it is. Are you seriously going to live a life hidden away in a box forever just because someone was a retard and decided to hurt you? Maybe they didn't even decide to do it, maybe it was accidental. My point is...you can't hide yourself away from the world forever. You can't close yourself off because someone was a moron. If you let them win in that way, then you haven't learned anything from that pain. Them leaving you and hurting you like that was merely a lesson...a lesson to see if you could get over it...pick yourself up and learn to love and trust others.

And you can! It may be hard at first...but you can always do it. You can't just say, "Oh well, it failed once...I might as well not try again". Yes...it may fail once...it may fail ten times. You may just keep getting hurt...but that is no reason to never try again...no reason to give up. And if you're trying to be that one person of trust for someone...don't give up on them! It may take a long, long time...it may take years even! But always be there for them...someday they may see you for who you are: their person of trust for years. The one person they can tell anything to. The one person they can't go without thinking or talking to at least once a day. It may be a friend...it may even be a family member...but everyone deserves to have someone like that there for them always. If you've lost that one person, don't give up. There are literally billions of other people who are obviously better then that one person who left you. If they left you, then they didn't deserve *you*. You are better then that and you have no reason to hang your head and feel stupid or ashamed. You are a beautiful person and you deserve the very best.

Don't settle for less then the best! It is always so sad when people do that. You are a beautiful creation...God's own creation. He planned YOU specifically. He has a special plan for your life and the people in it. Don't throw all that away by doing stuff that is stupid or risky...don't do it by hiding yourself away and not opening yourself up to the world. You're going to be hurt...it's just inevitable. You're going to experience loss and grief and pain. But what can you do other then pick yourself up and move on...grow and learn from it all and decide to do better then that in the future. Settle for the best...nothing less then that. I can say from experience that when you are looking for people who will never leave or desert you, a good place to start is with your own family. They have been there with you...your whole childhood and life. They didn't have a choice then...but even after that....they just never leave you and they're always a part of you.

So anyways! Those are just some thoughts for today, I know I jumped all over the place and I hope you were able to keep up with all my random jumbles. I am hoping you all have a wonderful day out...the sun has finally peeked through the clouds and thanks to all the lovely rain it smells so delightful outside! I pray you may all enjoy some gorgeous sunshine and have a beautiful day. God bless you!

Life And A Little Optimism

Wow...well let me just say, if you're ever going to be sick, make sure you don't go out and do hardcore kayaking the next day. Not such a great mix, if you ask me. But all in all I had a good deal of fun. We left first thing this morning and carpooled with the other people headed up there...we made a nice group of people. Thankfully the day started off fairly nice so we didn't have to bundle up. Boy, did it get warm out there though. It got upwards to about 90 some odd degrees and when you have a fever added to that it does get mighty hot. It was blessedly beautiful, however, and God sent this lovely breeze that made the whole trip so enjoyable. There were about nine of us total and some of us wanted to be in front while others wanted to just barely cruise down. I was one of the ones who didn't care to get left behind so I did get to lead for the great majority of the trip...that fact did surprise me. First because I've been sick and so haven't been eating much and second because this was my first time ever kayaking. 

Let me just note that me and water don't go well with each other. I used to love swimming and everything water related but after a bad swimming mishap where the instructor wasn't looking and I was doing the stroke wrong and went under and didn't come back up and they did CPR on me...well let's just say I never go in unless I can for sure touch the bottom of the water (which in this case would mean a nice child's pool). So being in a flimsy little kayak with just me and myself and surrounded by a lot of water? Well...yes, I was a little nervous. Not to mention just last night when my parents were discussing if my little sister would be riding her own kayak alone (her first time too)...one of my parents pointed out that when the kayak tips over, it takes you the whole way and you are stuck in the kayak to begin with and then you're head-down in the water and stuck in the kayak...well...you get the picture. SO...last night I did have a lot of the same nightmare playing in my head of me being tipped over in the kayak and then you would never get to read another blog post of mine ever again! Lol, yes, I did literally dream that last night over and over. 

But we made it...our driver said that it usually takes people about 3.5 hours to kayak the whole thing but my dad and I made it in just under 2.5. Near the end we just stopped paddling and just enjoyed everything..the beautiful day, the lovely breeze, the kids playing in the shallows as we passed, the dragonflies, the fish, the turtles, the flowers...just everything was gorgeous. I definitely got my Vitamin D in today! Afterwards they all went to a brewery while Aimee, Becca and I headed back to Nashville and stopped in at this lovely little restaurant where we got some really good food. The menu there is a really good one...filled with a lot of options for such a small place, but still with variety. You could find really common restaurant foods while others you really couldn't find many other places. And our waiter! Ah! I have not had such great service in a long *long* time. He really mixed humor and service together...he was very funny and cheerful and thoughtful of the customers while still holding it within reason...you know how some people are like that but they go all out and just try too hard? No, he was really great. Made me smile since I haven't seen many people like that recently.

So now for the optimism...I kind of thought of this part up on the way home...random and not very connected or grounded as far as thoughts are concerned. But I was listening to the radio with the girls and the song "Give Your Heart A Break" by Demi Lovato came on...and it just got me to thinking. Let me just say that when it comes to people I rarely give up on them. I love to find the "needy" ones and just find some way to be there for them and help them out of whatever they've gotten. I started years ago subconsciously and I guess it just became habit. I remember one of my first "cases" was way back when I was probably 10 or 11...and she was one of the loneliest people I've ever met...but we became fast friends and best friends for a few years before we fell apart...not like a sudden thing...but gradually, you know how people just fade away? That was my first case and I've been subconsciously doing it ever since till this song came on today and it just got me thinking how I do that and how others do it too. My best friends that I have today...the friends who I know won't leave me...the friends who have been there through everything...those are the ones I've come to realize who picked me up in dark moments of my life. I owe them so much.

But this requires a lot of optimism and hope if you think about it. I've had to work on a lot of people before and most of them haven't ever realized it or noticed at all...this is kind of a thankless job...no one gives you much thought or mind. Sometimes when these people are your very best friends you take them for granted..I know I do. These are the people I feel least guilty saying "No, I can't hang out just cuz I don't feel like being with people right now" to...these people have done everything for me and been there every time I need strength and that's what I give them? But somehow I don't mind when my little "cases" do that to me. I hate calling them cases...because they're not. They're just people I want to help. I look at a lot of them today and I see how far they've gone and who they've become and a lot of them are really great people. It makes it so worth it to know that maybe you were a part of that.

Every year near Christmas time we always watch the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" and when I was younger I found myself fascinated by how much impact one single person had on so many peoples' lives. I never would have thought that anyone could influence like that...but I always just attributed it to him. I never thought about myself like that. But it is me...and it's you...and it's everyone you know or have come in contact with. Everyone influences everyone in some small way. You never know when you could actually be *saving* someone's life just by being with them. Like our server today...I don't think he could ever imagine just how impressed and impacted I was by his really great service! Now, that didn't save my life...but to someone who just needs a little ray of sunshine in their life..well..you just never know. 

What I guess I'm driving at now is this...just don't take advantage of yourself. Don't underestimate yourself. You are much greater then you think and you have much more impact then you could ever imagine. One word could build someone up or tear them apart. One thing you say could make someone's whole day or ruin someone's whole day. So choose how you do what you do and what you say very carefully. Aimee and I were talking on the way home, because she was driving our van and we told her you could adjust the volume without taking your hands off the steering wheel, there was a control button on the steering wheel itself. She remarked how lazy that is...I mean, how much effort does it take to lift your hand off the steering wheel about 2-3 inches and adjust the volume? 

Which got us talking about how lazy and dumbed down our culture and generation has become. I mean, we have become so incredibly lazy! We are being held back from our true potential! We can function so much better if we were only pushed to our limits. Humans are not stupid, we were created very carefully and by the best of Creators possible...we have such great possibilities and potential, if only we would use it! But instead...instead we get machines and shortcuts to make our lives so much "easier" and that holds us down, ties us up, and puts us in box...a forever stupid box which limits our abilities. Maybe it is a little exaggerated from just that one little button on the steering wheel that controls the volume...but even that tiny thing...it doesn't require hardly any effort to just reach for the real volume button...but we have just increasingly become little robots who want the easy way out. How sad that we can't use our full ability and potential that God has mercifully blessed us with. 

May you all have a beautiful day filled with His blessings!

Life On My Back

Well today was a challenge for sure. I started pretty sick last night and it just got worse. I didn't get much sleep last night because I was just so hot and uncomfortable. This morning nothing had improved. So I spent the greater part of the day just laying in bed not doing much. Because I was so sore and tense it made just about every position to lay in uncomfortable. If any of you remember how sick I got on the HSMA tour, it was comparable to that. But I did make it through the day and even got out for errands this afternoon/evening. I'm feeling better now although I'm still running a fever.

Tomorrow morning we are all going out kayaking so I'm hoping to feel completely better by then. We're going out with the Woods, Anthony, Anna, and maybe Aimee too. I haven't been kayaking for quite some time so it should be a fun time for all.

Well this is about it...I wasn't planning on anything long, just a quick update. Thank you for all your prayers and kind thoughts. May God bless you all and give you a restful night.

A Little of Work and Life

Today has been a pretty good day...I didn't get much sleep but I woke up and went off to work at Jackie's. Let me tell you...puppies are cute and stuff...but kids? Geesh...I just don't understand how kids can be so adorable! And these kids are NO exception to this fact.

Ellie is such a smart cookie...she is the oldest and such a rule follower. She has soo much life and vitality just flying from her! She's usually bouncing around and having a blast but today I did get to see a bit of her quiet side when she decided to take a nap pretty much first thing while I folded laundry. She's 6 now and quite proud of that fact. She can be such a helper and before resting she helped me fold and sort laundry. She's good at "mothering" the other children.

And Abbie is such a little sweetheart. She's quiet...I don't know if I've ever heard her talk before...she rarely even talks to her parents, but she is such a little dear. At first you think she's shy but if you hang out with her enough and gain her trust she really opens up! She wouldn't let me out of her sight today and was constantly wrapping her little arms around my waist for hugs. She's a little bit more of a dare devil when it comes to rules and such but she's got a lot of first-born traits even though she's the second oldest. She just turned five early last month. She's got a lot of mischief bottled up and if you get her to relax she turns into a little imp!

Oh my, then there is little Lucie goosie...she really is a goose and she tends to steal the heart of every single person who ever lived and sees her. She is by far the cutest little girl I've ever seen in my whole life and her ENERGY is unbelievable! She's constantly running here or there or jumping or squealing or something like that! But one thing I am grateful for is that she is one who is the cuddler of the family. She is also full of mischief and if you don't watch out you'll find she dragged you into doing something that you probably shouldn't be doing! She has the cutest little face and she is just plain, outright adorable. I don't see how anyone could resist her little charms and cuteness. She's a big 4 years old now and so proud to be a "big girl".

I'm beginning to see more and more how Kade is just the naughtiest one of all! He is the only boy in a family of all little cute girls so I'm sure he gets his share of attention too. He is adorable but still a bit of the baby. He has the sweetest little smile (especially when he's into something bad xD). He's being potty trained currently and so he does require a bit of attention, but he's so worth it all! He's rather tough for a kid his age and when he falls he is normally just fine and just brushes himself off. He doesn't like the lake out in the back, but he does get used to it and as long as there is no splashing he will kinda sneak out to play in the shallows.

And Annie is the youngest now...she was born back in early May and she's the quietest and most well-behaved baby I've seen. You can set her down and go do chores and stuff and she won't make a peep. If she does start to fuss the other kids are pretty good about spoiling her with attention. The only thing about her is I found out the hard way that when she sleeps she breaths differently. It really freaked me out until I stood there by her crib for about 5 minutes and realized that she wasn't choking or dying, that it was just how she breaths while she sleeps.

The older kids love to go outside and ride their bikes or take walks or play in the water. It's so encouraging to see kids their age not just sitting in front of the TV but actually wanting, begging, and pleading to go outside in the sun. I can't imagine how they stand winter. It helps that Jackie and Brian both treat me like a mature and grown adult. They see me as an equal, not so much an employee...they talk to me and we just hang out and I feel like they are completely open and sincere with me. They are good and on time with paying me and they treat me very well. I work as hard as I would here at home and I think they expected less than me because they are usually surprised, but I love working for them and even if they didn't pay me I'd keep coming back! Those kids are just so much fun to be with.

Unfortunately cleaning and babysitting for 5 hours really took its toll on me today. I'm just laying in bed feeling crummy. My head is throbbing and my whole back, shoulders, and neck are super sore and tense. My health has been pretty good these past few months but is starting to go downwards I'm noticing. Guess I just have to keep at all the meds and water and lots of sleep...sleep has been lacking lately. But praise God for these past few months! I was pleasantly surprised by how long I felt really great.

I am praying that all my readers, whoever you are, are blessed and encouraged and built up today! May God bless you all!

The Joy And Happiness Of The Lord!

"I think happiness is what makes you pretty. Period. Happy

people are beautiful. They become like a mirror and they

reflect that happiness."

-- Drew Barrymore

Why can't we be happy? Why can't we be defined as a people full of joy and laughter and smiles? What a powerful community that could be! And why can't we be that? The Bible says after all: "A cheerful heart makes good medicine but a crushed (or broken) spirit dries up the bones" (Proverbs 17:22). I don't know about you, but dry bones doesn't sound very healthy or particularly good. But that's not the only place it says something like that...repeatedly we find the phrases "Shout aloud with joy!" or "May you be filled with joy" or "Rejoice in the Lord!" or other such phrases...most commonly found in Psalms but also in other books. I want to share some with you in case you are ever in the instance where you need encouragement in this area. 

Philippians 4:4 
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 40:16 
But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation always say, "The LORD be exalted!"

Psalm 13:5 
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.

Romans 5:1-4 
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Psalm 28:7 
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Romans 15:13 
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Psalm 64:9-10 
All mankind will fear; they will proclaim the works of God and ponder what he has done. Let the righteous rejoice in the LORD and take refuge in him; let all the upright in heart praise him!

1 Peter 1:8

Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory

John 16:24

Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.

And that's just the very beginning...I didn't even begin to even *start* to list all the many many verses that go on about joy and rejoicing and happiness and all that relates to those topics. You can just go to Google and type in "Bible verses about joy"...there is no end to them! Now to return back to my original point: why *wouldn't* you be happy and filled with joy? Is there any reason valid enough not to be joyful? Is there really any negative thing that is bigger that the greatness of salvation and life in Christ? We are a redeemed people and we are no longer bound to sin, hell, and damnation! We have been set free from our cage and given a new life to live completely separate and apart from that old life. So why would we revert back to that life and be filled with gloom, sadness, or any negativity?

Which brings me to my second point: negative people. There are few things that can ruin a day apart from negative people. They just kind of drag themselves into a pit and bring everyone else along whether they want to or not. Well, I take that back...if you are a joyful person it is your choice to be dragged down with them or not. I have been around a lot of negative people before...I live with one and I became close friends with one while I was away at camp. It's not always a McDonald's playground type of life when you are around them, I'll tell you that. But I don't even need to tell you that...all of us have probably come in contact with at least one really consistent negative person in our lifetime. They surround us and seek to live their lives in perpetual misery. I think misery makes them happy...or wait, they don't want to be happy....well at least maybe they get some kind of fulfillment out of being gloomy. 

Okay, I am being a bit unfair here...but truthfully...what is accomplished by being constantly negative? By always seeing the worst in people or in situations. By seeking to avoid all good things and only focusing on the bad? How does that advance anyone let alone the glory of Christ? These people don't get less blessings than the rest of us...they don't somehow get all the "mean" stuff in life and the rest of us get the good stuff. They just chose to focus on whatever seems bad and blow it up and make it their life and existence. 

We are told that everything that happens to us is from the hand of God...whatever we receive whether we think it is a blessing or a curse...it is all for our good and our benefit. Without the "bad" we would have no spiritual growth or maturing. So why look at the "bad" and call it bad when in reality it is all good...it is to educate us and grow us in the Lord to further His glory and kingdom. 

I'm not saying any of this because I have all this rejoicing stuff down pretty darn well. I am a pretty negative person myself, just ask my family. But in this new turn of life that I'm trying to take to become a true Christian and child of God I'm seeking to take every area of my life and pick it apart and see where I can improve and encourage others to improve. Maybe the negative people don't even realize they're negative. I talked to the girl I met at camp and it wasn't even till she was away from home and around us other girls that she began to see how exceedingly negative she is. 

All this to say...go be happy! Smile and laugh it up. This is your one and only life to do it right and have fun and glorify God! There isn't a single reason in this world to be negative or gloomy or unhappy...even Job didn't reject himself to that even when he lost *literally* everything he had...family, possessions, or health! Everything is straight from the hand of God and given to us to build and strengthen us up to do His will. May you truly be filled with the joy of the Lord and live to praise Him for it!

(All italics added by me...I still don't know why I did it, but it seemed like a random good idea at the time...I hope it doesn't bug any of you!)

Who To Blame?

I come from a family who is pretty used to having someone at fault. That means, whenever something (no matter how small) goes wrong, even if no one asks who did it, someone is sure to pipe up with a "So and so did it!". It is always someone else's fault. Someone else is always to blame for something going wrong. But when something goes right...oh boy, well there are usually two or three people you can thank for it because they were allllll involved somehow!

My point, although stated rather silly, is this: is there always someone to blame? If so, who is it? Our natural instinct is to say that it wasn't us....it was always someone else who should get in trouble as opposed to us. How is this responsibility at all? How are we to be mature and responsible adults if all we ever do is push blame on others and take credit for the good things? How are we to learn and grow spiritually if we cannot acknowledge that we mess up and make mistakes? Maybe it was that so and so who messed up...but maybe it was you who told them that they needed to do that and so really you are the one to blame but you hide behind the curtain saying "Well they didn't *have* to do it! I just told them they should."

What kind of mature Christian of God would constantly be looking and faulting other people and not accepting their sin and error. Okay, not always sin...but if we blame others in the small stuff it will lead to blaming others for the larger stuff too. One of the first things that I noticed when reading through the catechism a couple weeks ago was this: the first thing they address is man's sin nature. You start reading it and BAM! they immediately hit you with the fact that you are completely sinful and can do *nothing* good on your own. We are totally depraved and can do no good! How depressing is that? The catechism does go on to talk about how that's why we need Christ so much, but it does impress me very much that the authors of the catechism were so wise about where they started...they started with the core of man...our sin and our fallenness.

Maybe we could argue that it's self-centered to start something so educational with man. You could say that we need to start with God and His word and law etc. But if we did that...man could escape with thinking that he isn't that bad off and isn't quite as sinful as he really is. So instead...we begin by telling man he is in a hopeless situation he is in. The catechism is divided into three sections: Man's Sin and Misery, Man's Deliverance, and Man's Gratitude. It is a teaching tool to guide and instruct us in how we are to view and live according to God's standards. I will just put a little bit of the first part of what I was talking about: Man's Misery.

#3 Q. How do you come to know your misery?
A. The law of God tells me.
#4 Q. What does God's law require of us?
A. Christ teaches us this in summary in Matthew 22 - You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, you shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets.
#5 Q. Can you live up to all this perfectly?
A. No. I have a natural tendency to hate God and my neighbor.
#8 Q. But are we so corrupt that we are totally unable to do any good and inclined toward all evil?
A. Yes, unless we are born again, by the Spirit of God.

It then goes on to ask if God is unjust in requiring us to follow His law perfectly when we can't (No), asking if God will permit our disobedience and rebellion to go unpunished (No), asking if God is merciful (Yes) and going on to set the perfect stage for Christ. I am very impressed by how they just start with our sin. We cannot avoid sin without our Deliverer to be there for us and helping us through all the temptations that life sets before us. When it comes to sin or error, we are totally at fault...there is no need to name names and point fingers. What is required of us is to be responsible and step up to the plate and just say that it was our fault.

I have found this is one of the hardest things to do: to be able to say that it was my fault and I am the one to blame. But it is what God asks of me to do as a responsible and mature child of His. To be able to take upon myself the blame, but ask for forgiveness and then seek a better path with a better future...Christ and His glory. We are to look ahead to the magnificent glory that awaits us and seek to take be able to be the one at fault....face our duty, not shirk it. If we get in a habit of shirking that which is good or right then how long will it take till we are shirking away from God's law and God Himself?

Anyways, that was me rambling once again...just some random thoughts for this beautiful Tuesday that God has blessed us with! "This is the day that the Lord hath made! Let us rejoice and be glad in it!" Psalm 118:24 I pray that you are blessed with a joyful heart and perfect health! God bless you all! :)

Eliminate Control And Fear To Trust

This is a week where I'm already needing to just trust Him. Fully commit every thought and action in the future, the past, and the present to Him. It's the hardest thing to do when as a human all we want is control. Control of our lives...control of the future...even control of our loved ones. We want to be able to go places and see people and keep people. We want to be able to control what happens to us...whether it be the score of the game we are watching or the people who enter and exit our lives. We wish everything to be picture perfect, a dream come true. And when our dreams are "coming true" we all of a sudden have a bad jolt to this lovely wish and when it all goes down we wonder what happened. It was reality coming back to hit us square in the face. Yes, our lives *can* be just as beautiful and perfect as our favorite movie. But not if we dictate it...it will only end in absolute disaster at that point. As humans we are nothing but faulty...we err and mess up...we make *huge* mistakes. We become blinded by our sin and that leads to unbelievable disasters. But not even once has God ever messed up...He has had no sin and so cannot be blinded by it and He has had no unbelievable disasters or huge mistakes of any kind. Now I ask...why *wouldn't* we give over the writing of our life story to Him? Why can't we wake up every morning and pray for the ability to just let go and let God rule our whole day...to not worry or try and control the circumstances that enter our life..why can't we pray for that daily?

This leads me to another point of trusting God (or rather the lack of trusting God): fear. Fear gnaws at us throughout the day...and night. I know far too many nights where I've stayed up to watch some movie or TV show that has left me running to bed with all the lights in the house on for fear of the monsters (spiders, ghosts, aliens, animals...you fill in the blank) under my bed or hiding in the darkest corners of my room. Now, maybe this isn't the best example to give...what if I give the instance of knowing some test is coming up and you're not prepared? What if you have to meet with people and give a speech? What if you have an intensive work schedule and you're not sure how you'll handle it? What if you meet people and you find yourself constantly wondering if they were offended or disliked you? What if you dash around the house before you leave for somewhere because you're not sure if you can get everything you need together in time? Okay, before we go any further...I'm not saying if you've ever done any of those things that you didn't trust God. Sometimes He does employ tactics (like running around the house at breakneck speed trying to gather stuff together to leave the house) to be able to give us a kick in the pants for, say, not getting up early enough. Maybe He does plant these little scenarios in your life just so that you can stop in the middle of it, refer back to God, and then be able to realize that you are just a small human capable of error, that God is a great and powerful God who is fully capable of controlling every situation, and you should just lay whatever burden you have and are struggling with over to Him entirely. I say entirely because I know that a lot of times when I trust God it can turn out to be a "half-way trust". Meaning that I say I trust Him...and for the most part I do...but at little intervals I make time to worry about it in the tiniest corner of my mind.

So what does this mean for us in terms of application? It just means that God is great and good...100% of the time. We are really small and rather sinful (a lot!) and we mess up...we worry and try and control as much as possible. But that is not to say at all that it's not possible to just trust God! It just means that it's going to take some work and dedication. Meaning a good study of the Scriptures on a regular basis and a life that is led by and defined by prayer. Scripture and prayer are SO incredibly powerful and I'm coming to realize this more and more each day! God has come down to us...His little people...and made Himself very close and personal and all we have to do is open His words to us (located in the Bible) or just *talk* to Him (by the use of prayer)! It really is so simple that I don't know why a lot of Christians today say that they "just don't have time to devote to stuff like that a lot". Well I ask you...God gave you time...He gives everyone time. And He gave you just as much time as the rest of us...not even us in the present...but in the past.

Just as much time as great people like John Calvin, Martin Luther, R.J. Rushdoony, Augustine, Athanasius, Robert E. Lee, George Washington, C.S. Lewis, Albert Einstein, Jane Austen, J.R.R. Tolkien, Bach, and Walt Disney. Some of those were pretty weird examples, but my point is...those people did *work*. Great work that influenced the lives of others. Why can't we do the same? We can influence...spread our great talents and work. But only if we choose to stand up and make a difference. We do have the time...but we waste it. I'm reading a book called "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper and I am hugely impressed by his points and how he points out that so many people just waste their lives. They die and those around them are effected yes, but who else? Most of the people reading this have been alive long enough to have witnessed someone great who died. I remember Michael Jackson dying and I remember that great female singer who died...now her name escapes my memory (she obviously wasn't that important to me!). But it's not only death that can effect people...it's other things. I remember when it came out that Michael Phelps was doing drugs and stuff and I remember when Tiger Wood's affair came out. These are really big events that shook up and really did influence a lot of people. And not in a really good way.

Why is it that the people of today who effect the "great American people" are not good or Godly people, yet as we look back at our past at people who made a *good* influence they are the ones who were solid Christians, leaning and trusting on God? Why can't that be us? Why can't we regain those good morals and foundations that we once had? Why can't we have Godly people who influence us instead of the pop celebrities who lead lives of ruin and destruction? It is because we as a people have strayed far from God. We've strayed from His word and decided to dictate, run, and control our own lives. We have taken matters into our own hands instead of trusting the One "person" who can do it right. I believe that if we are to ever return to God and a flourishing nation that we need to start by trusting God. But that won't happen until we are saturated and grounded in Scripture and in a Godly theology. All in God's timing, of course...and something we must pray for and trust God for...but reformation is something that this world is desperately in need of.

I know I strayed a lot from my original topic...I hope that you are still with me. Those are my thoughts and insights on a whole bunch of topics. If you have any comments or suggestions, I'd love to hear any of them. I'm also considering adding Scripture to these "lectures". Often I get to rambling and I don't have any verses written here to "back me up" or support my cause. So I am considering doing that, though it will take more time to write up posts then. I think it will be a good way to spend my time though...I am trying to reap something from the book that I referenced earlier "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper. I highly recommend it to anyone who is trying to get their life on the right track and stay motivated to live a life dedicated and devoted to God. Anyways, I am praying for you, my readers, and hoping you have a beautiful and blessed day!

Life and Guilt

Yesterday and today have both been eventful and very full days. Yesterday, I woke up and had work first off. The house was empty and I had a list made up for me to do. It was so very pleasant to just have the house to myself...quiet and peaceful. No time to rush or hurry though chores, no one to be waiting on me to be done so they can do their stuff. I did a bunch of laundry and unpacking as well as general clean-up and vacuuming. I was able to just blast my music and chill without worrying about feeling self-conscious about anyone watching. It was a little nerve frazzling sometimes though when I heard a creak in this strange new house.

Then I went home and did some good transcribing work. I am finding myself more and more encouraged by that work. I know God is using this work to bless others and for me to learn more increasingly about Him. But yes, it was a blessing to do that. I also fixed a little bit of food before headed off to L'Abri. We had such an enjoyable evening learning more about God and His great sovereignty and rule over all. I also got to color a bit in our Winnie the Pooh coloring book with Aimee.

One of the biggest joys of yesterday was that I made a new friend in Christ. She is a real light in my life already. She speaks the word of Christ to me and uplifts me to our Heavenly Father in prayer and supplication. I know God placed her in my life to grow me up more in His ways and to bring others to Christ and to be able to more confidently be proud of the God that I serve.

Today I worked for about five straight hours, just cleaning the house. It was mostly empty and those who were home knew to stay out of my way (Sarah has cleaning fits - don't argue!). So now the house is sparkling...okay, not really...I could honestly spend days and days just cleaning this house and never be done. By the time I was feeling absolutely exhausted, people started coming back home and by now I feel like all my work is pretty undone! After all that I got some good mowing in and then my mum, da, Becca and I all loaded up to go see this wood chipper which we ended up getting. Ever since then it's been a quiet evening of just relaxing at home. Now it's just my mum and I just resting here at home. All in all it's been a wildly productive day...a huge blessing since I've felt rather lazy and useless around the home this past week.

One big thing that God has been showing me is how the devil uses guilt against us humans. We mess up and are pretty faulty...but God is so gracious, merciful, and forgiving that even though we sin and make HUGE mistakes, He never holds it over us or tries to blackmail us in any fashion. When we do feel overburdened and weighed down by our guilt, it is only Satan working against us to draw us away from our loving Father. He has forgiven us! If we truly repent and turn away from our sin in a desperate effort to be better then there is no excuse why we cannot be forgiven 100%...not 99% with God coming back to remind us of how awful and sinful we are...but entirely, completely, and fully...our sins have been paid and forgiven!

What kind of desperate joy should that bring to us! What bright smiles should be on our faces! Just knowing that I am absolutely spotless before the throne of grace and before my Father in heaven...that relieves the heavy burden of sin. I know that the dark side has *nothing* to hold over my head. Even if Satan hasn't forgotten my sin, I know God has truly forgiven it and promised me eternal life with Him if I truly repent and seek to do better in the future. God grant that all of us may have this sweet assurance and peace of forgiveness and living a guilt-free life!

Blessings Heaped On Blessings

Let me just start by saying that I love my blog. I love writing and the thought that people read my stuff and enjoy it (well...maybe enjoy it). Ever since I've begun to write more on here (not even a month ago) my viewing rates went WAY up!! This has me so happy and just feeling absolutely blessed. God has blessed me with this month already having the second highest views I have *ever* had. And the month is just over half way over! I could easily get up to the highest viewings in a month that I have ever received. I have no one to thank for this than God. He has really blessed me with this opportunity to bless all of you through the words that I speak.

He is my blessing, but the fact that He gives ways through His people to bless others is just more of a blessing than I could imagine! The fact that He has chosen me as one of His messengers to carry His words to you is just...I can't even quite sum up how amazing that feels! He is SO good and so great and powerful. It's truly something that can't be found in words. I am currently in the middle of typing up an R.J. Rushdoony lecture on the infallibility of God...(after typing that word about 50 times you really know how to spell it!). It just kind of takes my breath away to think about how self-conscious and infallible God is. Whenever my eyes are opened to some truth like that it just fills me with awe at the great majesty of God.

Maybe I will post the lecture that I will type up on here when I'm done...I wrote most of it last night and just have a little editing to go over first before I turn it in. I just wanted to say before I end this post how amazing you all are...even if you don't comment or read every post or follow me...thank you for stopping by and reading...you are such a blessing to me and I am honored to be speaking to you. I thank God for my readers and for His words that I may openly speak and I ask for wisdom in all my thoughts written here. May God bless you today!

Who Says?

A lot of people I know don't give themselves near enough credit for themselves. This is bound to happen in a world where pride is looked on as a bad thing...so people humble themselves down to the ground. They take absolutely none of the credit. In reality, God gets all the credit...but still. When someone performs a beautiful piece of music and then when praised they say "Oh no no, it really wasn't that good"...that is just wrong. Maybe instead they should say something like, "Well thank you...I thank God for the musical talent He has given me and the blessing I may be to my listeners". That is placing God first and foremost where He belongs but still acknowledging some amount of giftedness of their own. It was, afterall, the musician that put in the hours of practice, but still God who gave the talent behind it all. We can practice all we want, but unless God gives His "okay" then it will do nothing for us. "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain." Psalm 127:1.

This applies to more then talent. It spreads out and affects our whole lives. A lot of people I know don't treat themselves very well. They settle for the less than the best. They settle for less than the best boyfriends, friends, work, and many other things. How can you live a life of treating yourself like you aren't worth dirt? God has a much better and bigger plan for you then that. He asks and calls you to Him...commanding you to be still and understand (trust) that He is the Lord God Almighty...none can stand in comparison to Him. We are to be comforted and built up by that. We are to feel like precious treasure of His...gems more precious than all the money in the whole world.

How would you treat something like that if you held it in your hands? Would you let it settle for any less than the best? You would want to honor and respect it...love it and care for it tenderly. This is what we are called to do with every day of our lives. We are loved by Him...He cares for us, loves us, forgives us, cleanses us...all this because of NOTHING we have done! Doesn't that fill you with immense peace? And knowing that, why would you do stuff that makes you unhappy? Anything that concerns our Father whether it be seeking to learn Him more, living out His law, obeying Him in every aspect, joyfully and prayerfully seeking out His will, and blessing those around us. That is what should cause us great joy! And why settle for less than the greatest joy in the world! It is what God wants for us.

So take a moment to look around you...look at the friends and the people and things that surround you. Could you do better? Is there a better way you could serve God? If so, I encourage you to empty that out of you...fill it with more solid and substantial things. Don't think it isn't out there...God has always provided in the past and He is faithful to those who look to Him for everything and anything. Keep your head up and your heart full of the joy of the Lord!

Friendship...What Does It Mean?

Throughout our lives we have heard it said many different ways what friendship is. We have heard it from our family, our churches, magazines, movies, books...even from our friends. How many of us take it seriously? When I was younger, I was considered the social butterfly. The butterfly who had a lot of friends. I always looked at my sister who had a few really good friends and wondered if she was happy. Wondered how that made her happy. But I've come to see, that is the true meaning of friendship...being close to a few people. Being their everything and their all.

I've tried being there for everyone of my many friends...that way doesn't work. You get stressed and overwhelmed by the many requests and needs of your friends. But it works best when you have a few close and personal friends who love and trust you. Friends are faithful...the good ones. They aren't back-stabbers. They don't leave you in your time of trial.

Life lately has been a bit rough. It's been a struggle, and God has shown me that complete dependence on him is needed. My friends have unknowingly come around me and supported me...my true friends. They are the ones who don't need to be told that I'm struggling or that I need someone. In times of trials, I find who my real friends are. They are the ones who lift me up in prayer and encouraging verses. They are the ones who actively try and spend time with me.

I was keenly aware of this...within the past week I lost the two friends who are closest to me through a lot of drama. One of them has been my best friend for about 8-9 years...my closest confident of all my friends. It's so hard to see this happening because of a lot of drama...but I know God has a plan to bring other better and ever more amazing people into my life who will stay with me for a whole lifetime. Friends just don't leave friends...they stick with them...closer than a brother the Bible says.

These people are to be Godly to one another....not just in their church lives...but encouraging and uplifting to one another. Sharpening each other for the glory of God. Pushing each other to be the best they could ever be for the glory of God. Seek out these people in your life...surround yourself with them. I heard it said once that you are most like the five people you spend the most time with. Who do you spend the most time with? I guess I'm referring to the people outside of your family since your family is bound to influence whether you want it or not.

This is what I'm looking for in my friends...friends who are there through thick and thin. Friends who love me and trust me no matter what they hear about me. Friends whose hearts are so bound up in God that they can't help but out pour Him to me whenever we talk or hang out. Friends who grow me up in the knowledge, wisdom, and grace of Jesus Christ. Those are the friends I know I should be having. God grant me many such people to come across in my life...and I pray I may be all that and more to the people of God, my loving friends.

Live With A Purpose

Works without meaning? Action without purpose? How many mindless actions do we do every day without being thoughtful to the true meaning or purpose behind it? Do we really take to thought what we're doing when we do things?

One of these things that we easily skip over is the idea of the sacraments. Baptism for instance: how often do we consider or refer back to it, even if we don't vividly remember it? It was/is not just a random at that God commanded us o do, He has a distinct reason for it. It is His one sign and seal upon us, claiming us as His own. But how often do we take that seriously? We are His! (1 John 3:1a)

And also considering the Lord's Supper: every time we eat and drink His body and blood, do we consciously consider the real meaning behind it? Consider the gravity, but also the joy created by it? He ordained it in order to keep our minds and thoughts on Him and His great sacrifice for us.

We are great sinners, but 1) we have a greater Savior, 2) we have been baptized, signed, and sealed by God Himself as His very own most precious treasure and 3 we have been saved, and are cleansed and are constantly forgiven only because of Christ's work for s on the cross where He died for His elect as He was 100% man (in order to be considered a just punishment) an 100% God (in order for Him to be holy and blameless, thus capable for taking all mens' sin upon Himself). Longest sentence ever.

Every action you do throughout the day is founded upon what you believe, your worldview. How you speak, how you work (or not work), how you treat others wil all be based off of how you view God. Is your life a glorifying one A life that simply shouts out God and His Word? Or one that rather reflects us and who we are apart, separate, and not related to God?

Just Another Day of Life

Yesterday, I learned how to look like an absolute idiot in front of people! Let me rephrase that...I went ice. skating. Now don't get me wrong...I love ice skating, I really do. But ice skating for me is like painting, running, singing, dancing, drawing, and other such things are for me: I love them and I wish I was super good at them, but I just plain fail at them!

No, but Aimee and her mum and I all went out yesterday to go ice. skating. It was fun...and I didn't fall...but I know I didn't push myself and go as fast or as daring as I could have. Also, my skates were a piece of crap so I hurt my ankle pretty bad and have plenty of bruises from that...but bruises are a bit like battle scars, as Aimee likes to remind me. She also said that if you didn't fall you were doing something wrong. I guess I was doing something wrong all day! But yes, I was taking it easy since I had work later that night.

It was definitely a new experience to go ice. skating during summer. To go in with my summer clothes and then to bundle up and put on a hoodie, fuzzy socks gloves, and a hat and still get chilly and then get hot chocolate before going outside to shed it all off again! But all in all I had an enjoyable time.

Originally this was going to have some deep and purposeful meaning to it, but now that I've reached the end of the story nothing much comes to mind. I guess just...go out there...enjoy life. Smell the rain, dance in the puddles, praise God for all His blessings, live in the moment, never regret the past, learn from life's lessons, love your friends, smile more, compliment a stranger...and other funky stuff! Have a great day! :)

My Community

We are naturally a people who take things for granted. I saw a sign yesterday that said, "What if we woke up tomorrow with all the things we thanked God for today?". It really made me stop and think. How many things do we really just overlook and not truly appreciate? Far too many. Do we really stop all the time and thank God for this and that? For every little blessing (or big blessing) that He sends our way? In reality, every thing that seems good or bad is a blessing from the hand of God.

My pastor has always (for as long as I've known him) emphasized the importance and the need for community. Simply put...small, strong, well-built, Christian groups. For years I have just taken this for granted, not really thought about it. But especially lately, I have come to see exactly what he has been talking about when he says that one step toward reformation is the building of good communities. My church family is my community...that is where my best friends are, the people who know me best.

We've been going to this church for about 10 years now...these are the people I've grown up alongside of and been taught from. I was about 7 or 8 when I first started attending this church. It is where I was baptized and catechized. I took Sunday School with the kids there, played football, soccer, wiffleball, climbed trees, had parties, contests, and Bible studies with these people. I couldn't even begin to start to list the hundreds of activities that I've done with people there. But most importantly, I learned God there. That started my foundation for belief.

We have church starting at 10am on Sunday morning...it goes until 11:30. Then starting at 11:45 we have Sunday school for 30-45 minutes. We have evening church for an hour at 5 pm, and we usually spend Sundays in fellowship or something that involves one another. During the school year, we have Wednesday classes that usually take up 3-4 hours (not counting homework or tests). Every other Friday we have L'Abri at my Pastor's house where they feed us dinner and we study for an hour or two. On the "off" Fridays we have a young adults' Bible study for a few hours.

Our church is not dead, neither is the determination to grow up these community children in the way they should go. Yes, we mess up...I am the one who has messed up and strayed the farthest, but by God's grace alone I have been brought back from the far country and back under the guidance of my parents and church family. Disciplined and set apart for the glory of God alone.

No matter how much I've strayed in my life, God has always been there and He has always used my church family to guide and direct me. No one has ever been too busy to stop and sit down with me and talk. Maybe this happens to everyone, but my pastor takes time for everyone...he stops and asks how things are. He doesn't forget events that happen in our life, he checks up on them. He asks how work is going. He compliments something you are wearing. He has a smile on and a joke to crack if that is the mood, or he can be dead serious, concerned, and caring if the situation calls for it.

And it's not just him! This is the case with everyone in my church, not excluding my very own family. I've come to realize (took me long enough!) that my family is my BEST friend. They have never left me, never given up on me, never not cared. They love me *so* much, even if sometimes it doesn't feel like it. They want me to succeed, to grow, to achieve, to be the very best. They will push and pull me (even if I don't want to) until I am God's very own and completely dedicated to Him and His will for me.

These are all things that I've really taken advantage over the years. Things I've ignored, or not cared to see. But I see them now...I love my church people, my friends there, my family there...they are my closest confidants: the people I know love me and will never leave me, even in the darkest hour. They've never given up on me. Even when I screwed a lot of things up, they've never treated me like I've failed. I feel like I am running a race...and I totally messed it up...I tripped and I fell and instead of treating me like I fell, they've cheered me on, picked me up, and carried me the rest of the way.

In their eyes, I'm a hero...I'm a champion. Simply because I am called by God. They have strengthened and encouraged me, even if they didn't know what they doing for me. People say that love is not judging. I say that love is gently judging, but always supporting. Supporting the person to get back up and make the right kinds of decisions and turn around in life...turn back to God. So I am thanking God for everyone in my life, who, when I messed up, stood behind me and supported me every step of the way. Those are the friends and people you keep forever. You don't leave them in their darkest hour, you stand with them and help them pick themselves back up.

That is what community looks like. Being there every step. Even if you live a couple hours away from someone that doesn't mean you can't be their "cheering on" person (I don't know a better term for that!). One of my biggest supporters lives an hour away from me...and yet she has been there every step of the way. She prays for me all the time and lifts me up with her encouragement. Those are the people who motivate me to dedicate my life even more fully and truthfully to God. I can only hope and pray that you have a person or some people like that in your life. May God bless you, whoever you are, and gift you with a strong community around you to build you up, support you, and encourage you on to the God of Christ-likeness and a Godly servitude util the day you leave this earth for a better home.

Control - Who Has It?

Lately God has really been trying to get my attention on the issue of control. If you know me, you know that I love being in control...maybe not totally all control freakish all the time...but I do like to have things going smoothly. But somehow what is smooth to me isn't always smooth to God. He's been showing me that even though I like to be the one in the driver seat, it just isn't best. I really suck as a driver. He is my driver...the one with the directions. He knows exactly where I'm going, even though I don't know it yet. If you've never been smacked in the face with this kind of reality it really is a bucket of cold water.

A lot of things have happened lately without meaning or a purpose behind it (at least not that I can see). Things took a complete turn around and I am left in the dust...blinking and wondering when on earth everything changed. Sound familiar? It's life! Within a few short breaths you are facing a whole new direction. Maybe it's because I'm just at an age where things hit you harder and faster...like when you close your eyes during baseball and when you open them all of a sudden you are being pelted with tennis balls.

That whole new direction isn't always nice...it doesn't play "fair". It doesn't know the "rules of life." But those aren't real rules after all...they're just rules that you've set up so that life is somewhat easier. And since you're not the driver those "rules" aren't truly valid. They are wishful thinking. Life is really really hard...you're gonna have days where you just sit and cry. Do you have what it takes to get through (hint: that's God)? Do you have His strength to make it through? To ignore the fact you don't know what the heck is going on with your life? To give him the keys to the car of life? If you don't...do it before you lose control of the wheel. It's a crazy mess with Him.

How Much Sense Does This Culture Make?

So this is just going to be a short rant about how absolutely retarded this culture and what defines us is just stupid! Well, maybe this will be longer then I thought - haha. The culture that we live in now is pretty crazy - and what defines a lot of any culture is the music that they listen to. Now, I'm not condemning anyone...because if I was to get on anyone's case about the music that they listen to then I would be a true hypocrite. My point is...the music that you listen to: is it what defines *you*? Do you let it shape and form you to become and to think like how the people behind the music want you to be shaped and formed? A lot of the music nowadays is completely retarded (apparently I like that word today)! One of the songs that has stuck out to me lately is one that I won't name...but if any of you have heard it you will know exactly which one I'm referring to.


One of the big things that bugs me is how we let this *kids* sing music that makes up a daily part of our lives. I'm talking 13 year olds...now I won't actually name names...but it is slightly frustrating when these adolescents get to sing these songs that should be sung by at least 20 year olds! What does a 15 year old know about true love and dedication? It doesn't help that their definition of love is twisted and false. And the lives of celebrities shows that they believe what they sing and fall for that false, twisted love. But that's a whole different conversation!

Back to my original point: this particular song that I've chosen to pick on starts off pretty harmless...the guy is telling his girl how she doesn't need makeup and how everyone sees her beauty. Ok...that may be harmless, but it gives the impression that beauty is just the outer stuff...and it's not. The prettiest beautiful is on the inside. Anyways! I'm going to just try and breeze through my points instead of dragging this on like I already am. He tells her that she lights up his world like none other and how all the little things she does is so amazing to him. Now...for my biggest peeve with this song: he says "You don't know you're beautiful...that's what makes you beautiful." Ok...how on *earth* does that make her beautiful?? If a girl doesn't know she's beautiful she is going to deny it constantly and that is certainly is not attractive. I've seen it happen before and it is rather ugly if you ask me. He then goes on to say "If only you saw what I can see, you'll understand why I want you so desperately"  and says that just to prove his point he put all this in a song. So...correct me if I'm wrong but he says that her not seeing her beauty is what makes her beautiful...but then writes this whole song to try and prove how beautiful she is to her? So maybe he doesn't want her beautiful anymore?

Anyways! That's my random thought for that song. I could be totally wrong, maybe I'm just misunderstanding his point or maybe I don't have that missing puzzle piece that would make it all make sense! If you have any insight on this song or anything I've said go ahead and let me know! I love any comments. Have a super great day!

Spiders and Memories

Lately I have been set with the curse of spiders! It's actually kind of weird. The other night ago, my brother found this huge spider that we nicknamed "Shelob" (for any of you who have seen Lord of the Rings) and he captured it it a Mason jar and I have it somewhere around here. Then when I was in the car last night headed to work I found two different spiders on me. I just looked down and there was this spider just sitting on my shirt...so I flicked it off and then I noticed another one on my hand. Crazy! Plus I've found two different (what I believe to be) spider bites...maybe the cause of my weird dizziness/black outs. It's like I'm all of a sudden a huge magnet for spiders! Or maybe I'm just now noticing how many spiders we have around this house. Hopefully it doesn't make me paranoid and then I start imagining being covered in spider webs as I lay in bed (yes, I have had that kind of funky experience). 

Also, yesterday we headed off to Indiana...which turned out so much fun! It was kind of to get away and do some shopping...so while we were shopping yesterday Jon found some lemon drops. For those of you who don't know what these are, they are just hard candies that taste like lemon. Anyways, we were both reminded of something my mum used to do for us when we were younger. Back when we lived in California my mum had this jar of lemon drops, and on rainy/cloudy days she would pull it out and give us each a lemon drop "to brighten our days". It was a real treat and it brought us a little sunshine! She did it for a little bit once we moved out here, but then it just didn't work out so great and so eventually we just dropped out of the habit. But anyways, we were reminded of it yesterday but when we asked my mum if she remembered it she said no. Rakie does remember it, so it must have happened! So that's the weird memory for the day.

Hope you all are having fun and get a chance to get away for a little R&R whatever you're doing! Trust me...this trip to Indiana really made a difference. God bless you!