Just Me

This isn't a happy post. It's not uplifting or encouraging. It's not filled with sunshine and smiles. It's just me. This blog is about honesty...about being completely open and it isn't right to only post the good things. There is always bad. The people who are bright and bubbly every day of their life aren't realistic. It isn't possible. There is darkness...it will be overcome and we are being tested like I said in my last post...but there is darkness when our deepest souls are covered with black.

I care too much. I love too much. I need too much. I want too much. I remember a time when I was the butterfly flitting from flower to flower. I was the girl with a billion friends. I was the life of the party. I was known by pretty much everyone. Talked about. Thought about. I got around and made lots of friends. I knew everyone and everyone knew me. I was the popular girl. Then people grew up...I grew up. People changed.

Now...this is not to say that I don't have friends. Plenty of people write to me occasionally...try to keep in touch. But there is no one friend there. No friend who I can confide with everything. No friend who I know every deepest detail of. No one there when I need them the most and I won't worry about bothering them. Ties have been cut...covered with dust...ignored. Not sure what to call it...but so many people have just wandered off. Facebook is a big place to watch friendships. It sounds stupid...an online network is a way to see people's love. But it's true.

You see how desperate people are to proclaim love for one another. You see how often they stay in contact. You see how often they chat them...hang out with them...pray for them...love them. Too often I see this and then look at my wall as empty. So often I just get online to feel like someone is hanging on to me...but then leave feeling lonelier than before. Often this drives me to Christ and especially my Bible. I must say that the Psalms are particularly comforting.  But as someone once told me...people need people. So I pray for people. I pray for at least one person to hold on and desperately need me as a friend.

Christ fills me...He fills my empty space. So in prayer I go and ask to be filled...if not by the people here then by Him. Pray that He would content me and leave me feeling like I have the Best Friend ever. The one I can go to and receive the best advice or sympathy or love. Never to leave. Never to forsake. Never to criticize. Always to build up. Always to love. Always gentle. Always understanding. I mean...He knows you *best*. He knows you better than your parents or best friend ever will. Isn't that amazing? Weird too. But it's only right.

So...I hope this post made some kind of sense. Maybe it was more selfish on my part...a bit of clearing the air and getting things out. But it did encourage me. I pray it did the same for you in some small way. Maybe you can relate...maybe you're going through this as well. If so...please message me. I'd love to pray for you and lift you up in love.

In Christ.