Hunter

6.28.10.
Hunter really had me scared today. He overslept for about 6 extra hours. He finally woke up just before 2 pm. I knew he was probably starved to death, so I got him lunch right away. He ate 2 full bowls of applesauce and a pudding cup besides and was still hungry. He was shaking so badly he couldn’t even stand. He was so sad and pitiful.

I wouldn’t have ever recognized him, he was so altered. He wouldn’t talk at all…he just cried and when he tried to talk or make a noise, his voice was so raspy and it would make him cough. The smell of hospitals and medicine was all about him…he reeked of it. I hate that smell…it is the smell of death to me. How could this little one be smelling of something so vile?

He was so weak…he wouldn’t run around or move. I carried him around, big boy that he is…I wonder, it’s been a week now…will he always be like this, or will I actually get to see my little boy the way he used to be: smiling and screaming while chasing me around and around the couches? Screeching when things didn’t go his way? Begging for milk, and when he got it, to go off sucking contentedly with it? Staring out the window daydreaming? Playing with his blanket for hours at a time, enthralled by such a little thing? Coming running to me when he hurt himself? Hugging me goodbye when I had to go home? Trying to put together words into phrases? My last time seeing him before his surgery, he would say the word even before I did (he had to always hear the word before it would appear in his mind)…mama…daddy…baby…happy…and finally, right before I left, I called his name and he looked right straight at me (we were both on the floor) and with complete clarity while looking in my eyes, he said, “I love you.” I was stunned then, and even more so now along with being touched. I don’t know if he will ever be able to talk clearly, although he will have numerous speech therapists coming in to be working with him (I think 25 hours a week).

I also think that it must be so difficult for Whitney and Larry to have their oldest son go through this surgery and then a week later be told that he is officially diagnosed with autism…how disheartening it must be for them. I don’t really know how strong they are as Christians, but I am really hoping that this will bring them even closer to God. It is difficult for me right now to rely on Him and to know that whatever happens, it is God’s will and it will be for the best. May God bless this wonderful young boy with many more years.