Autism: Awareness and Coping

Today was interesting. It was good and I was productive around the house and with Rushdoony work. Then I had Whitney babysitting for a few hours. I haven't gotten to babysit for her in about a month and a half...well, over that I think. Anyways...my Hunter has changed so much. He was diagnosed with autism about a year and a half ago...and since then he's been changing ever so slowly. Yes, he's always been a bit different...but never retarded. He has been unique and special and very dear to me. Seeing him and how he operates and functions has really been fascinating. For several years now I've wanted to become an occupational therapist and if that ever comes to pass (Lord willing) then I would be working with people like him...children and adults. So getting to see and work with Hunter firsthand all these years has been a real eye-opener as to what work would be like. I thought it would be easy...but these past few times that I've babysat Hunter...I've seen what a huge challenge is in front of me and how little patience I really have. He is so amazing and special...so that is first and foremost before I begin this story. I want to give a definition of autism before I begin with today's experience so that you can better understand the diagnosis.

Autism: this is a physical condition that isn't usually diagnosed till age 2 or 3...it's at that time when the parent begins to notice that their child isn't developing as quickly as he or she should be. Based on a very long list of symptoms they are then given the prognosis of autism. From there they can be treated by occupational, physical and speech therapists as well as attend special schools for autistic children. The symptoms: they may be overly sensitive to sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell...they are very accustomed to routine and cannot stand to see it broken...have repeated body motions that they use (usually to calm down). They also may have communication problems: cannot keep up a social conversation, uses gestures instead of words, or repeats words or phrases over and over. They have social problems: don't make friends easily, doesn't play social games, doesn't make clear eye contact, prefers to be alone, and has little to NO empathy at all (this has been one of the hardest ones to get used to for me. When Hunter does something wrong and I tell him no or have to slap his hand he doesn't understand I'm scolding him...he thinks it's a game. He thinks everything is a game and when he misbehaving there is no way to correct him. If I try he gets violent and at the end of it all it doesn't matter if I'm red in the face from yelling or if I'm crying from frustration...he doesn't understand others' emotions at all and so doesn't understand he has done wrong or that I'm angry/upset/frustrated). They may withdraw from any physical contact due to a heightened sensitivity and it causes them pain; they may have an ultra high or low response to physical pain; or they usually won't participate in group or imagination games. Behaviorally-wise they may: have huge tantrums and fits, have a short attention span for you but do a repetitive motion continually for hours (spinning a bike tire while the bike lays on the ground), have a very narrow interests, show aggression to others or self, or they may be overactive or very passive.

So now that you have a basic idea of how autism works and how an autistic person behaves...my Hunter was diagnosed with autism and at first it was quite hard to believe...he seemed so normal...he was happy and cheerful and so energetic. He loved to play and run and laugh...just like any kid his age. But the older he got the more I began to see that the doctors are called doctors for a reason and I'm not called a doctor for a reason. The older he got, the more he "grew into" his autism. I've known him for several years now...he was 1 1/2 when I first met him...he'll be turning 5 in December. He's always felt like my little boy...my own kid or my little brother because that's how well and long that I've known him. I haven't had to watch him a lot over the summer due to his mom just having their latest addition in May and being home more often to tend to him...but today I got to work in the first time in about a month and a half.

He wouldn't let me touch him...cuddle with him...hug him...kiss him. He wouldn't say "I love you". He also picked up this habit of biting my clothes...who knows where? He just...he was completely changed. Nothing will ever change the way I love my Hunter Cole...but it's become so hard to focus on him solely or spend a good deal of time with him...simply because it seems like no matter what I do it's not good enough...I keep failing when it comes to getting along with him. It often makes me wonder if I am cut out to help people...do I have what it takes to truly help them cope with whatever they have? Am I patient and understanding enough to be able to look past my personal feelings toward them (like with Hunter and seeing him slip away in his love towards me) and be able to focus on *them* and *their* feelings? Can I do that? Am I truly cut out to be a good occupational therapist?

Of course I don't know the answers to these questions...I don't know what the future holds. Maybe this is set in my life to challenge and built me...prepare me for what's ahead. Who truly knows. Whatever happens I want to be shaped and formed so that it grows my character to that of a God-focused and God-fearing Christian woman to be the best I can be at glorifying God for His sake and for the furthering of His kingdom. It is still mind-boggling to think that every hardship that comes into our lives is God telling us to learn a good lesson from it and become stronger in Him. It is Him saying, "You can handle this no matter how hard it seems. I believe in you and I'm here to support you and lift you up when you finally turn to Me as your only source of peace and trust".

Anyways...that is my post for today...I sincerely hope you all benefited from reading this...may God bless your lovely day...and may I say that earlier this evening (or last night...Monday night) was so incredibly beautiful. Leaving the Wood's house I was so stunned...it had just stopped raining...the humidity was *soaring*...the heat was incredibly overwhelming (in a good way of course) and there was this steam coming off of the pavement. It smelled so so amazing and just that alone was pure beauty...not to mention seeing the loveliness of the wet grass and road...that is my favorite weather of all and God blessed me with a gorgeous summer night of it!!