MLIA

Ok, so recently, I discovered a blog: MLIA (My Life Is Average). It is anything *but* average!! A hysterically funny site filled with many amusing quotes, I encourage you to check it out! There can be some inappropriate ones on there, so I thought I'd post my favorite ones that I found. Trust me, I could spend my whole life on there looking at these!!



Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a page that said, "Join if right now your legs are crossed and/or you're touching your face with your left hand." I checked and I was doing both. I am still amazed and still a little scared too. MLIA

Today, I bit my wrist. I was aiming for the sandwich in my hand. MLIA

Today, I sneezed in church. I was a little bit disappointed because no one said "God bless you." MLIA

My dad recently got a metal detector and has been walking around our entire yard convinced that there is buried treasure somewhere out there. The other day I got really bored and so I took all the beer bottle caps from the table on our porch and scattered them throughout the yard. I then had the satisfaction of watching him stop every couple of feet with an excited look on his face only to find yet another beer bottle cap. Best. Saturday. Ever. MLIA

Today, my family got a new tv. I was excited imagining playing in the huge tv box. Once it was set up, i took the box and soon realized that it was plasma tv. I still tried to fit inside. MLIA

I found that I can be an ambulance, a burn victim, a dying pregnant lady, and some one who needs open heart surgery all at the same time and get operated on with a hair brush all in time to answer the door for pizza. I love babysitting. MLIA

Today, I found out the wireless mouse for my laptop works from far away. I immediately played a game of spider solitaire from across the room, pretending I was making the cards move with my mind. MLIA

Today me and my sister were watching tv. A bounce detergent commercial came on and the woman said "Hi my name is Linda" at the same exact time both my sister and i said "Hello Linda". Im glad to know someone else likes talking to the people on tv as much I do. MLIA

Today, I was fooling around on google maps and typed in Narnia. As it turns out, there is a town in Italy called Narnia. Since all of my family is from Italy, I like to know think of myself as a descendant of the Narnians. MLIA

For the last six years, this guy has mowed our lawn once a week. Today I discovered that this guy is my grandpa. I couldn't tell because of the sunglasses. MLIA

Today I was out walking the dog and listening to my ipod. While on shuffle, the songs went 'Walk this way', 'Walk on by' and 'Come back'. I looked up and realized I'd missed the turning to my road. I'm now convinced that my ipod is secretly a SatNav. MLIA

Today I realized that whenever my French friend texts me the voice in my head reads his texts with a French accent. MLIA.

Today, i was at the mall with my friends, when i saw a gumball machine. I only had 25 cents left, so i decided to buy one. When i turned the crank, a bright red gumball popped out. I popped it in my mouth. It wasn't a gumball, it was a bouncy ball. MLIA

Today I was working at McDonalds and happened to walk passed the drive-thru window; five 18/19 y.o. boys had 'pulled up' in perfect formation of a car - 2 in the front, 3 in the back - but were not actually in a car. As the 'car' pulled up, I watched as the 'driver' put his 'handbrake' on, manually wind down the 'window' and begin his order. The guy who was at the window, and is extremely strict, told the boys he would not serve them because they were not in a car. The 'driver' then proceeded to wind up the window, change into reverse gear and reverse out of the drive-thru. The guy in the 'middle seat' even ducked so the driver could see behind him. The guys kept straight faces the entire escapade. I would have served them purely for their unforgettable entertainment, so thank you mystery boys, for making my day. :D MLIA

Today, I got a call on my phone from a number I didn't, so I didn't answer it. The same number called back about 2 minutes later and I answered "hello?" The person on the other end said "hey, i called you and you didn't pick up..why?!" When I explained I didn't know the number they replied "oh, well it was a prank call, so you shouldn't picked up. Now I'm gonna call you again to prank you, so pick up this time" Then hung up. MLIA

Yesterday I was trying to get onto my bed from the spare futon in my room. It was dark so, in MLIA style, I decided to jump. I overshot the distance and slammed headfirst into the wall. But my feet didn't get eaten by a monster. MLIA

today i was at the hospital checking up on my pop as i was entering the 3rd floor i see a man in a wheelchair going as fast as he can screaming YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!after a few seconds i see three nurses run through the doorway trying to catch him, it made my day.MLIA

Last night I was wearing my new jacket which was warm and fluffy. My feet were cold and I thought to myself "they should make jackets, but for feet". That's when I remembered I have many pairs of socks. MLIA

Today, I bought a pen that has a orange clownfish that looks like Nemo on the top. It was really cute, so I showed it to my friend. After, I told her that I'm probably going to lose it after a week or so, since I'm really absentminded. She proceeded to tell me that if I did lose it and tried to find it, I would be finding Nemo. I kind of want to lose it now. MLIA

Today I was playing hide-and-seek with three of my friends in Shop Rite. As me and another girl were hiding in an aisle waiting to be found a woman we both have never met before walked past us saying, "They're back in aisle 6." without even looking at us. My friend and I could not stop laughing. MLIA

Today in my English class, we were told to write non-stop for 10 minutes about anything we wanted. Thinking of MLIA, I wrote an intense story about how dyslexic dog saved marshmallow world from the evil king celery, and saving all the magical zebras. When I got the paper back I not only got an A+ for creativity, but extra credit for having the most entertaining story. Thank you MLIA for making my class much more awesome. MLIA

My girlfriend is really short, so one night I was trying to make fun of her by saying "high five" and holding my hand all the way up. She said she could reach it, so she jumped up to high five me, and slapped me right in the face. MLIA

Today, while on my lunch break, I looked out the window and saw two grown men in business suits skipping down the street singing 'We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz'. MLIA

Today, I got a funny text. I intentionally laughed out loud so that I wouldn't feel guilty about texting "lol" back to the person. MLIA.

Today, I opened a dryer in Lowe's and a little boy peeked out said "sssh" and closed it back up. I'm still laughing. MLIA.

Today in science, we were talking about forensics. I was curious about the developed technology and asked if there was a way to kill someone without leaving any traces of DNA. The entire class fell silent. I'm 4'11" and pretty much the tiniest person in my grade. Yet, by the end of the day, every one was pretty sure I was a serial murderer and was scared of me. MLIA

Today, I decided to take a cold shower to make myself feel tougher. When the water hit me, I screamed and jumped out of the shower. MLIA

Today my little brother "accidentally" broke me new porcelain doll that i was going to add to my collection. To retaliate, my sister and I waited until he took a nap moved him to my all white bathroom, dressed up like doctors, grabbed 2 irons, and poked him. when he started to open his eyes, we rubbed the irons together and shouted "CLEAR!!!!!" while pushing them on his chest. The look on his face was priceless. MLIA

Today, I bought a package of Play-Doh. On the back, there was a warning that read, "Molded results may vary depending on child's age and level of skill." Thank you, Play-Doh, for clearing that up. MLIA

Today, I spent a few minutes trying to watch a movie playing in the car ahead of me. I had just decided that it was the most boring movie in history when I realized I was watching their GPS. MLIA

Today,I changed my phone's name (Bluetooth) to God... when I was out with my friends.. i decided to connect with a few strangers who had their bluetooths on... the look on their faces when they were "connected to God"? Priceless. MLIA

When I was camping with my mom, there was a father and daughter camping next to us. Eventually I heard the dad say to his daughter, "Did you know, that when you close your eyes the stars disappear." The girl looks up, closes her eyes then says, "OH MY GOSH THEY DO!!" It seemed to take her a while. This girl was older than I was. MLIA

Today, my roommate asked me what I was eating. I said "leftover panda", referring to Panda Express. The look on his face in the second before he realized what I meant was priceless. MLIA

Last night I turned off the lights and jumped into bed. I missed the bed. MLIA

Yesterday, I was REALLY bored in class. So I passed a note around that said 'Everyone stand at 2:20. Sign here if you're gunna do it!' It was 2:15 and i got the note back to me with almost everyones signature. At 2:20 everyone stood up. The teacher was so surprised that she fell off her chair. MLIA.

Today, I managed to convince my guy friend that girls have synchronized bladders, and that's why we always have to go to the bathroom in pairs or groups. MLIA

One of my friends can make a low humming noise that sounds like a phone is getting a call. We spent all class watching people cough nervously and then check their backpacks. Time well spent. MLIA.

I slipped in my bathroom once and my first instinct was to look in the mirror as I went down. The look on my face was priceless. MLIA

Today, my sister and I were at a ballet performance.While we were there we ran into a little girl with a Disney princess sticker on, so my sister asked her "awww do you like Disney princesses?" The little girl barked back NO, ripped the sticker off, and ate it. MLIA

Today my brother and I had a bunch of cool things planned for the day, and when I woke up I jokingly said " Today is going to be the best day EVER." My brother then burst into the room and sang the entire " Best Day Ever" song from spongebob. He's 21. It really was the best day ever. MLIA

Me and my brother both have a printer and a computer in our rooms. Today, we decided to have a conversation by printing word documents to the other person's printer. Most fun I've had all weekend. MLIA

Today is Feb 8th. I checked my email, and the newest one is dated Tuesday, Feb 9th. I officially have contacted the future. MLIA

Today, I borrowed a graphing calculator from the school, and when I turned it on, it said "Hello human, put batteries in me" MLIA

Today, I leaned over to sneeze and put my hand to my face to cover it. I sneezed so hard I punched myself in the face. MLIA

Today, I was listening to my ipod. While listening, I was thinking of a really funny thing my friend said. I started smiling. The next line in the song said: "Let's break that smile right off your face." I stopped smiling. MLIA.

Today, when I was playing on my computer, I suddenly needed to go to the bathroom. I said, "be right back" to my computer. I'm still not sure why I did that. MLIA

Today, I used Microsoft Word on a school library computer. My friend next to me told me that the librarians could watch the monitors, so I typed "HEY LIBRARIAN!" in 28pt. font. My computer shut-off, so I looked at the librarian. He waved back. MLIA

Today, I bought a box of paper clips. The box said that there were 100. So, wanting to know if I was gypped or not, I counted all the paper clips. There were 101. I was feeling somewhat content with myself, until I dropped one paper clip, and have been searching on my hands and knees for it for ten minutes. It is nowhere to be found. Well played paper clip company. MLIA

Today I bumped into the wall and said sorry. MLIA

Today my best friend and I discovered that the handicap stall in our school's bathroom has two toilets. Needless to say, it made my day. It was even better when I sent a picture to one of my guy friends and he texted back asking if that is really how the stalls in girls bathrooms are. I said: Of course, why do you think we go to the bathroom in groups. He believed me. MLIA :D

Today while riding home on the bus from school I was listening to my iPod. I got really into my music and started playing air drums to it. When my bus stopped at a red light, I noticed a kid from an other bus playing air guitar, and he noticed my playing drums. We had a jam session until the light turned green. MLIA.

Today, I wanted to start a Nerf water gun war. I got out my massive gun and snuck into my dorm-room very quietly, where my roommate was typing on the computer. I carefully began to pull the trigger when suddenly, out of no where, she pulls out a fully loaded gun and sprays me with it before I know what's happening. I stood there, soaking wet, and she put the gun away, back under the desk, without looking away from the screen. I walk out of the room, flabbergasted, and I hear her mutter, "Always gotta be prepared." MLIA

Today, my friend pointed out that when on the phone, i unconsciously wave goodbye when i hang up. MLIA

Today, while brushing my teeth, some dramatic music began to play. I got excited thinking that my lifelong dream of having my life come with a soundtrack was coming true. Then I noticed that my ipod had turned on in my pocket and was blasting music. I still walked around pretending to be in a movie for the morning. MLIA

Today, I downloaded an iPod app that lets you operate your computer mouse when about 10 feet from the computer. I spent about an hour hiding in the room, scaring my sister by making the mouse move on its own. MLIA.

Today, I realized that whenever I read something that starts with "Today" I read it like a MLIA story. MLIA.

Today, every time I looked at the clock, it would be 1:11, 2:22, etc. I then thought, "oh my gosh, what if it was 6:66," I then proceeded to watch my clock for an hour until I realized there is no 6:66. MLIA

Today, My mom reminded me of a story from when I was four and she was mad at me and vice versa. I wanted put a sign on my door advising her that she was not allowed to come in. I couldn't figure out how to spell "enter," so I stomped out of my room and asked her. She replied with "Figure it out yourself!" So I went over to the computer and wrote down the letters on the "enter" key. I am now 22 and my mother has my note framed. Why? Because it actually says "Do Not Return Mommy!!!" MLIA