The other night I went to my grandparents with my family to celebrate my grandma and my birthdays. It was fun, we had a good dinner and spent good time with them. We don't get to see them very often even though they live about 5 minutes away. Anyways, we were just saying our goodbyes when my step-grandpa says to me, "Well...now you're 17...when are you going to get a boyfriend?". Even after I said that I wasn't interested in one he still pressed the issue: "So when will you get one? Why wouldn't you get one?". I've gotten this speech before...and not just from them. A lot of people see me as "grown up and mature"...so why don't I have a boyfriend? Simply put...I'm not ready nor do I want one.
I wouldn't even say I act like a normal 17 year old should be acting. I mess up...a lot. I'm not the great person a lot of people see me as. My mum has always told me that no matter how great a person may seem that behind it there is a person who has issues just as big as you. It's true. We put on a good face for the public...rarely taking it down even for our best friends. We are people with a great sin nature and I am not excluded from that *in the least*. So one of the greatest reasons I don't have a boyfriend is that I'm simply not ready for one! I have a long way to go before I have started turning in the right direction.
Even then...when people say "boyfriend" they are not thinking "life partner". When they say "Why don't you have one?" I think...'Do I *need* one to appear human??' Is that what defines a person now? By if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and how many you've had before? I just read something this morning that said "Dating is usually about meeting a self-centered need. Courting is about intentionally building a foundation for marriage." Maybe that seems a little off-topic, but let me connect some dots. When people say boyfriend they usually mean dating. "Do you have a boyfriend" translates into "Do you date?" ...aka "Do you have a life?". I don't believe in dating...I don't believe it's right at all.
Why would you put two teenagers together alone without any real standard of right or wrong (meaning parents being right there) when they are in a stage of their life where they can't think comprehensively for themselves? What good is that going to do? Looking at the history of dating it hasn't led to really great things. Even if it does go to marriage, how long does that marriage last? Now, this is *not* to say that if you ever dated anyone that your marriage (if it happened) is going down in flames.
All I'm really saying is that maybe a more ideal path would be taking those same two hormone driven teenagers (or whatever age they are) and putting them with people who have been through a similar situation of finding a life-partner before (meaning parents) and have them LEARN about each other. Not romantically...not even particularly attached...but with the thought that it *might* lead to marriage...not positively though. This is normally called 'courting'. It's the two people getting to know each other with the idea of seeing if the other person is compatible with them and if they would be able to live happily with them for the rest of their life.
So when people ask if I'm dating, if I have a boyfriend, or anything of that type, I can easily answer that I am not going to casually date until I feel "complete". Because once you enter into that pool you'll never leave it. It will turn out to be an endless string of guys...one after another. I want to court with a purpose. I want to be completely serious about it, not taking it lightly. This is the rest of your life that we're talking about! This is what will determine your happiness! I'm not ready for marriage and if I find a guy who might be considered a "boyfriend" then the future idea would be marriage...and at 17 years old I'm not ready for marriage or even to be wishing/thinking about marriage. What my chief goal should be right now is focusing on God, my daily walk with Him, my relationship with my parents and family, and seeking to glorify God with whatever I do in regards to my future (college and such).
So those are my brief thoughts on that subject! It just got me thinking the other night and I thought I'd share my thoughts with you! Leave me a comment and let me know what you think, if you want. :)
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1 comment:
Great thoughts, Sarah. I agree. From what I see, dating almost always leads to destruction(and addiction, like you said), and the only type of interaction alone with your "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" should be courting, like you described it. Dating as the world sees it is wrong, no matter who encourages it. Pursuit of a romantic relationship should only ever be done with God's clear ok, our parent's help, and the intention of marriage. Praise God that you aren't giving into the world's lies in this area, Sarah. Keep it up! :)
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