Gone

Whenever I see someone now...they ask me, "So how are you doing? Do you miss Rachel?". What am I supposed to say? NO! Psh. Yes, people. Yes, I miss her. Every day that she's not at home I miss her more. People say that as time goes on you miss people less...but for me I have a feeling it's the opposite. I've had a lot of people leave me over the past few months and it doesn't go away. The missing feeling. It doesn't just get better or heal.

But each day is different. Every day can be better or worse than the day before. It's always different. Monday was just terrible. It was the day after the wedding and I missed her so much. She came by for a few minutes to pick some things up and then she and Anthony left for up north. Now she's back and I GET TO SEE HER TOMORROW! It's exciting, I know. But I have to treasure any time spent with her because she lives 30 minutes away and they only have one car and who knows when we'll have quality time.

Whenever I miss her I tell myself that she's out running errands. Maybe she's out shopping or teaching violin lessons or visiting Anthony. But she'll be back soon.......right? It's hardest after she leaves. But after a bit of being pre-occupied and thinking about other things and being super busy...well it gets a little better sometimes. I keep myself crazy busy.

Being busy is a help. You just get busy and you don't have time to miss anyone or think of the fact that they're gone out of that part of your life at least for the time being. I thought about when she has kids...but then I also thought that I may be gone away at that time...busy with schooling or work or something. It scared me a little...the fact that I may not be able to see much of my nieces or nephews...well that does make me stop and think.

Anyways...those are some thought I have on leaving...or being gone. Having "lost" a sister lately I'd say I am in a pretty good place to speak on the subject. Anthony has been like a brother for so long so it's not like he's coming in the family. And Rachel is gone now...so it's more like losing a sister than gaining a brother. Just prayers and discipline and keeping busy is what is keeping sort of sane!

God bless you all.