Women and Their Role In The Marriage

A couple days ago I posted something on men and their roles...if you view the comments, Luke and I went a little more in depth about the subject. Sometimes I only have a few minutes online and if I don't post something short and quick I'd never get it out. If any of you know me I could talk forever. So I've been trying to shorten my posts and still get across my meaning clearly. Obviously, that isn't working so well. ;)

Today I was at Whitney's babysitting/cleaning and we got to talking. I love her so much, but at times I can really see her struggling. None of you reading this know her, so I feel comfortable knowing that fact. She has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever seen...she is constantly doing things for others when she has no time or effort for them...she is always thinking of others and trying to help ease their burden even if she needs to focus more on herself. Now, don't get me wrong...these people are always great...but at the same time their focus needs to be a bit...well, different. Yes, it's good to focus on others and it's also good to focus on yourself...but at the same time you can always go overboard with either side.

Now, I know I'm no great expert on any of this...I certainly don't apply it to my own life. So I'm a hypocrite. But I *love* helping people fix their problems and so I set to work on helping her get out of this place! It's creating so much undue stress in her life which then effects not only herself, but her family...she has five kids and obviously a husband. She's a career woman...so she is out of the home a good deal and she does her fair share of volunteer work as well as an EMT class. In addition to all this, she is still running her home, fixing meals, doing errands, running kids to and from school, organizing appointments and so forth. You get my point. She has too much on her plate and not enough time to spend with her family let alone have some time for herself.

So I set to work with counselling! It was actually super fun, although I'm no where near qualified to speak on such issues...especially when it comes to running a home/helping a marriage. I have NO experience. But I have observed/learned/read things over the years. And...okay, I give you permission to laugh at me once your read the next sentence: I am seriously considering writing a book. Now, it's not going to be long...and I won't even try to get it published. But it can be a sort of "life-long project" for me. Maybe once I'm dead and gone someone will find it and benefit from it! Who knows!

I told her to quit her job. That one "small" action could change so many things! As a stay-at-home mom she would be able to always be there for her kids, keep her house clean and tidy, be able to more easily fix meals without the stress of running out the door, and still be able to work at home. Just because you are at home doesn't mean you can't work or make money. First of all, you'll be able to focus more...my mom works here at the home and if she works hard then she can make a couple hundred in a week just by transcribing. That's easy work...you give it a couple hours of work a day. You are also able to have time to sit down and go over the family budget, see where corners can be cut and expenses done away with (as a side note it means you have time to do some good coupon clipping, thereby saving more money!).

There is nothing more attractive to a husband to come home to a clean home, a hot dinner, happy children, a smiling wife, and everything right in the world. So why not be that? Why not be the help-meet he needs? Why not be the aid God has appointed you to be? Proverbs 31 does an excellent job of out-laying what a Godly wife is to do and be like, but Proverbs 12:4 describes her as well: "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown". In the olden days, a crown was what defined and set apart a king. When you saw him and saw his crown you knew instantly that he was the king and greatly to be respected and honored. That is what a wife is to be for her husband...the thing that sets him apart and defines him as great and Godly.

A husband can only go so long without the support of his wife. Now obviously this goes two ways, but I am speaking to the women today (tonight). He desperately needs your support. Men are seen as tough and strong...now I'm not debating that, I'd say pretty much all of you are that...but you guys really want our love and encouragement. No man feels manly if his wife isn't impressed or wowed by his greatness. They want our approval. The way to go about that is not by nagging or complaining or whining about life or the day...those have their times, but not day after day. Any healthy relationship cannot be based on that or thrive off of that kind of negativity.

A wife is the quiet support...the one who goes behind and lifts up her husband so that he may be the one who accomplishes great things. Now...will he remember to thank you and give you credit for this every time? No...everyone is flawed...but that includes you too, women. We live in a culture today where it is considered odd when a woman be quiet and submissive to her husband...where the woman isn't the dominant "career-focused" woman. Here I'm preaching to the choir because all I want to do is get out of here and start my career...but I'd make a good counselor right? ;) 

One of the best marriage advice that I ever heard was this: treat them far better than they deserve and don't expect a single thing in return. You give and give. If you give but expect something in return...then you never really gave anything to begin with. That's one of the things about love: you give it and you can't demand it back. It's not something deserved...it's not even a reward for good...it's a blessing when it comes and no disappointment when it doesn't. 

Anyways...those were just some thoughts. You don't have to read them! But...if you've made it this far then apparently you already have read it all...ANYWAYS. I really need to get to bed...classes begin in the morning and I'm super pumped for those! Work is hectic...as usual. Rachel's bridal shower is this weekend and I'm freaking out a *little* - lol. That's putting it mildly. Just trying to trust God as much as possible!! Have an amazing night...or day...whenever you read this!

"Loving Each Other: This is both the husband's (Col. 3:19) and the wife's duty (Tit. 2:4). Love is the great reason and comfort of marriage. This love is not merely romance, but genuine and constant affection and care for each
other "fervently with a pure heart" (1 Pet. 1:22). Marital love cannot be based on beauty or wealth, for these are passing, and not even on piety, for that may decay. It must be based upon God's command which never changes. The marriage vow obliges "for better or for worse," and married persons ought to consider their own spouses the best in the world for them.... This true-hearted love brings true content and comfort in its train. It guards against adultery and jealousy. It prevents or lessens family trouble. Without it, the marriage is like a bone out of joint. There is pain until it is restored."