Day 3

Bob Jones Competition - Day 3

Wow...wow. How can I say this? My day came. My day arrived. It was me. Not all me, but it sure felt like it. Musically, I'm not very talented. I'm good...I'll admit that...because I've been playing for so long and had so many opportunities  But I'm not great. I've been the one in the back...the quiet one...the one who goes unseen and unheard. And I'd kinda struggled with that for quite a bit. I love being a leader and a bright spotlight and a little princess diva...just ask anyone. Who doesn't love being the center of attention and looked up to? I'd never gotten that...there had always been someone a bit more forceful (btw, not a bad thing) and so I hadn't fought it. At my last lesson before I left my teacher reminded me to let the music out...let it flow from my heart. I have a tendency to keep the music in its box...play the right notes on the right pitch with the right articulations. But that's not how music was made...it was made with those guidelines because without them there would be no music...but it's not 100% music without soul...without passion or feeling or emotion. It's not music without living the music within yourself. I dont usually do that at all...opening up like that is opening a part of my soul. It's exposing yourself and letting people in. In the past I have never let any one person 100% inside. Sure, some have come close. But there has never been one person who has ultimately opened me up and seen me for me. I've kept it hidden and out of sight. Opening up in music is defying that. It's opening my soul for the entire world to see. But it needs to be done with music or else you create anti-music. Closed and emotion-less music. So today I did it...I let it out...I felt the music. I played my heart out. I didn't think about who was in the room or what they would think about me or my music or what would happen if I messed up. I didn't worry about that at all. I didn't zero in on the music (which scared me at first)...it was the closest I've ever come to an out-of-body experience. I came out of that room so changed. I was a complete stranger to my old self. I was more me than I'd ever been. In the past, I've come out of performance rooms literally crying because I felt like my whole performance was a flop. It usually turned out alright. Today as I walked out of that room it was with a huge smile on my face. This had never happened before. I can't even fully describe it because it was so different...so breathtakingly beautiful. I felt myself at peace...I didn't care about the results or finals. I played music. Real music. Needless to say, I was so amazed and blessed to hear this evening that I had made it into finals. I perform again tomorrow afternoon with all the string finalists. After that they will choose the top three places and the number one will go on to perform tomorrow evening at the big recital. God is so great. God is SO good!! Blessings heaped on blessings. Just being here and seeing so many people and learning so many things is such a HUGE blessing in ways I'd never thought of. But now? Now I'm blown away by my God. He gives me everything I don't deserve. Still breathless. So anyways, the rest of the day passed rather slowly (but busy!). There were other soloists today: Derek, Ian, Ellen, Ben, Seth (with vocal and violin), and Jon. We all did well and most of us advanced on to the finals. Everyone was SO amazing and I am not envious of the judges at all...I can't imagine how hard it must have been to pick between all these competitors. So the day passed...life rolled. I tried to go to some classes but that didn't work out, sadly. Tomorrow is pretty busy too so I don't know how many classes I'll attend. Tomorrow I'll be able to tell you how our trio did and also who advanced from the finals as the top three. Also, we'll have the recital tomorrow night. The big concert with the top number one of all groups perform. So anyways...the day passed. I was busy...I crashed. Then we had this concert tonight to attend...it was with a returning touring group and that was lovely as well as a little sermon which was captivating and lovely. After that we had our first orchestra rehearsal. It was comprised of the high schoolers there this week who all worked together to form an orchestra. I am so very blessed. I was actually placed first (a first for sure). The music was pretty easy but I did NOT mind. I was so grateful...the whole night my heart was singing praises! God even went to show me His hand in my life as to give me a solo with the concert mistress. Who would have ever guessed that God is incredibly merciful as all of this! Anyways...then we had prayer group in here with a couple other rooms. They were all so sweet and friendly! They wanted to know how our competitions went and they prayed for us and our performances tomorrow. God is GOOD. Ahhhhh! I can't say it enough. I only wish that it wasn't just during these "blessing times" that I see His hand and praise Him for it...I want to get it to the point where I can do it in any situation and circumstance. Anyways...I guess it's a downfall of being human = continually sinning and feeling stupid about it. Lord willing I may grow more in Him and become a mature Christian, not living on milk but on meat. God grant that we all have that desire bloom within us. Goodnight all you lovely readers.